When the stars have all gone out, you'll still be burning so bright.

Monday, September 25, 2006

The world is a better place;

Because of YOU. (:

Writing for the pure pleasure of it;
what fun it would be.
To just sit in front of the computer;
writing about thee.
We can write nonsense,
blabber and crap.
But we all know in the end,
what matters is the WRAP.
So if we can just relax,
and write about anything,
this poem
would not have to RHYME.

Music is platanium, and a person starting with N is stone. (:

Where dreams were made; 10:46 PM

If...

If people can fly,
imagine what the world would look like,
way up high in the sky. (:

If the world has no colours,
only BLACK and white, imagine how dull everything would be.

look through the eyes of a SUNFLOWER!!

and maybe you'll notice that the grass has multiple hues of green; warm, comforting green.

If one day...

you may just stop for a minute in the woods...

You'll be able to hear

the music of silence.

AND TRULY UNDERSTAND

the meaning of

BEAUTY.

And when that day comes, you'll know that you have seen the world.

AT LAST.

`Rayne.

Where dreams were made; 7:34 PM

Sunday, September 24, 2006

(None)

STRESSED. (:

Where dreams were made; 5:24 PM

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Untitled.

Gracey was reading to me aloud today. "Some people are driven by happiness, some by approval, some by fear and resentment, some by anger."

What drives me? Well, something has to, shouldn't it? Otherwise, I would not have any meaning on this earth. And if you don't have any meaning to live...why live?

Okay. So what exactly drives me. In these past few days, I've observed myself, and came to the conclusion that I'm a rebel-cum-melodramist-cum-cynical person. I need to feel needed. This is different from approval, whereby people just give you the thumbs-up. But they never tell you that they need you, that they need you to help them, give them warmth. In that perspective...you can say that I'm one of the worst attention-seekers on earth. Or most probably..the worst.

I find that these few days...the number of times that I felt like crying can be enough to last me a year. Melodramatic, aren't I? But it's true. Sad enough to say, even when I feel like crying, I can't cry. The feelings bottled up inside me continue to settle somewhere deep in my heart, till I feel that I'm choked, suffocated on them. What can I do? I draw; suicidal, gruesome, dark pictures. But what do I get out of it? Everytime I see the people around me, I feel like I'm not worthy of being where I am today. I'm not worthy. My personality and my self-disgust is worse than you think. I'm too far over the edge to even think about what I'm doing. What AM I doing?

Ironic, isn't it? 3 days into my 13th year, and I'm already so depressed. I started out by wanting to recount my birthday celebrations; in the end, I launched a post about a scathing tirade on myself. Excruciating self-disgust. I need...something, anything, just to make me feel that I'm okay. To make me feel that it's okay to be here, to be here with you guys, to take the position in my life that I should. I need someone to direct me to the path where I am supposed to go, instead of fumbling in the darkness like this. Do you know how sad, how pitiful it is, putting down yourself, being a wet blanket to everybody else around you? I can't stop. I just need someone, something, to answer me. Answer my plea.

What drives me? After seeing all these, you really want to know?

Where dreams were made; 7:12 PM

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Another Stabber.

name 24 people at the top of your head:

Note that this is really, purely random, so don't get offended or anything if your name's not at the top of the list.

1. sarah

2. vivienne

3. swetha

4. gracey

5. nancy

6. jing xuan

7. jazlyn

8. shi cheng

9. lu chang

10. cherry

11. sandra

12. joni

13. gloria

14. talia

15. yi fei

16. celeste

17. mandi

18. clement

19. wen jing

20. wei jie

21. vanessa

22. jessica

23. vanessa (RGS)

24. alvin

now for the questions:

1. is 9 single?

I don't know. Only knew Lu Chang this year.

2. would u date 20?

Ahem. He's my younger cousin. It'll be a crime to date him, provided if I EVER want to date him.

3. is 17 a guy or girl?

Girl! Duh. Ever came across a guy named mandi?

4. has 15 and 2 ever dated?

No...they're both girls. -.-"

5. are you older/younger than 3?

Same age! wahahahaha!

6. have you ever seen 7 naked?

No thank you.

7. where does 19 live?

I have no idea. O.O

8. when was the last time you saw 12?

In my class! XP

9. ever watched a movie with 5?

Would like to. She'll make a good companion to go to the movies with, because she, like me, doesn't like scary movies. (:

10. how tall is 23?

I think we're 'round the same height.

11. do you love 16?

Yes. As friends.

12. do you go to the same school as 14?

Same class. (:

13. have u ever had classes with 11?

Nah. Only see her when I go back to PEPS.

14. where was 21 born?

SINGAPORE

15. have you ever hugged 18?

Nope.

16. what's 8's middle name?

He doesn't have one.

17. is 13 a nice person?

Yess!!! Watashi no Gloria chan wa dai suki~!

18. would u rather 1 die, or you die?

Touch wood. I refuse to answer this question.

19. is 4 older than u?

Same age.

20. would u kiss 24?

Older cousin. What do YOU think?

21. have u ever swum with 16?

No...pity.

22. when's 10's birthday?

Somewhere in Feburary?

23. have u ever been to a party with 19 or 17?

end of school farewell?

24. are 22 and 24 good friends?

They've never met.

25. will 3 and 7 make a good couple?

Umm...they're both girls. :/

26. has 15 ever given u a birthday present?

Nope. At least I don't think so. Did you? XD

27. how long have u known 13?

Since Primary 4. XP

28. if 5 and 19 were drowning, who would u save?

19. Nancy's so pro at swimming, I figure that she can save herself. (:

29. will 2 be willing to kiss 6? joni and PETRINA?

They. Do. Not. Know. Each. Other. Need I say more?

30.pass this on to 3, 4, 7, 16, 18, 22, 23.

I'm going to defy the rules. If you want to do this, DO IT. If not, then nevermind. XD

Where dreams were made; 7:48 PM

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Okay. You know what? Leave me ALONE.

------------------------SKIP THIS POST IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE INFLUENCED BY MY MOOD-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I change my mind.

Sarcasm is horrible. Especially the person who says it thinks that SHE'S soooo good. Like an angel. As if she's ALWAYS right and we are always in the wrong.

Yes, I'm flaming. Yes, it's a girl. And YES, I CAN'T stand her.

Oh, you know who you are, darling. I mean, how many people in the world have such charming personality like yours? Not many, I'd wager.

Oh, and darling, if you get offended by this, do keep in mind that I'm not as virtuous as you, and bear in mind that I have a horrible temper and am generally a horrible person.

If I've ever lulled you in the impression that I'm a nice, cheerful person, I'm sorry okay? Because, you know what, I'm NOT. Don't ever think that I am nice. Haven't my previous posts cured you of that assumption, already, darling?

I'm grouchy and thorny. And I just read someone's blog that makes me feel so pissed. Arghh! I can't believe it. Though I would put up a cheerful front tomorrow, let me rant HERE and NOW. Because IT'S MY BLOG. Okayy?!

People who want to start a business with me, tag. Or else, leave me alone. Or haven't you read my title?

*Sarcastic. Well, duh.

Where dreams were made; 11:05 PM

Making money

If I could, I'll never let you go...
-Amoure

I need to know how to make money.

I'm so jealous of you guys, Chloe and Wan Hui..!! Argh! >< I can't make anything for nuts. Really. All I have is my drawings -which fluctuates- and....

Basically, that's all.

I like acting, but I don't think I act very well. 2+ months spent in the time of the Act 3 crew cured me of that. Add to that the almost whole year of in the company of Miss Nina...and well...

See what I mean? :( I want to make money. Something that can make me feel independent.

Postcards/Namecards, anybody? ><

And I need a partner too. Basically because I cannot get everything on my own...and I have to find willing customers.

Anybody interested, please tag on my tagboard. Provided if ANYBODY even reads my blog. Which I seriously doubt. Hah.

$Rayne

I wonder how much am I worth..??

Where dreams were made; 10:17 PM

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Oh Sighh.

Oh mann. I'm trying to do my homework but. I. Can't. Concentrate.

I don't know why I'm so restless, but I am..!!! And tomorrow's Wednesday, and thinking about it just makes my heart pound with trepidation. Don't ask why. I don't know either..!!!

Arghhh. I think I'm going nuts. Whacked. Loony. Well, you get the idea. Something keeps nagging at my mind, and I can't place my fingers on it..Gahh...

Me and my ailments. :/

Well! Today's rather productive, at least in school. Got so tired that I slept on the bus all the way home. And then there was this old woman who persistently poked me in the side with her handbag. She doesn't seem to realise that I was reading..? To make matters worse, she started shifting closer to me, so I have only 1/4 seat left and my legs were dangling out in the pathway of the bus. One person stepped on my foot and glared at me. How rude. It's not even my fault..!! >< And I can smell her old powder, and combined with the rocking of the bus...Urgh. :X

I think I'm going to stop here now. It's a veryy short post, I know! You can't demand everything of me at once, can you? And this is supposed to be a LITERARY blog, not a EVERYDAY blog, so if there's no inspiration you can't blame me from going inactive every few months. I need my rest, you know.

To make this longer, I'm going to add in a quote from Horace:

Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow
[Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero.]
-Horace, Odes.

Carpe diem, everybody. (:

Where dreams were made; 8:18 PM

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Time for reality

I finally changed the time on my blog to my country's time. Go me! Whee. XP

Tommorow's going back to school day! And I haven't done all the necessities! Hahaz. I better go and do it now..after this blog post. Can't resist!

I'm being -and feeling- superficial. Which I think is okay. You can't be deep all the time, and miss some good plain fun on the surface while wrapped up in your melancholic thoughts. *They are really melancholic* And don't go digging up the hurtful past again; let bygones be bygones. Or that's what I keep telling myself.

It's hard trying to be cheerful all the time! So we have a mix of them. But if I start complaining, I daresay I wouldn't be able to stop. I have so much things to complain!

Randomising. Sighh.

Recently gotten into the mood for abstract art. Don't ask why; maybe because they fit for all themes. And they are such enigmas; whereby some are just plain pretty and others are sophisticated. I find them very useful for MSN display pics. You should try them too.

Here's one:

I have it for my desktop picture!! Thanks to the person who created it; it's really nice. (:

Hmm..sometimes I just feel so blank. Like one straight line of white in my mind. Nothing to talk, nothing to think. So I'll just stare in midair, thank you very much.

nothing much to say.

that's coz

my act is over.

Wahahahaha. (:

Where dreams were made; 10:13 PM

Saturday, September 09, 2006

I'm a MECURIAN!! XD

You Are From Mercury

You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable - and it shows.You probably never leave home without your cell phone!You're witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you.You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer.Be careful not to talk your friends' ears off, and temper your need to know everything.

What Planet Are You From?

Wahahaha! I'm an alien! I do leave home without my cell phone, by the way. And I don't want to know everything....I try to keep neutral at times. Too much drama is not good for you, y'know! -Tsk tsk-

Ooh, another one:

You Are Fish

You have a well formed palate and a daring appetite. If it's served to you, you'll at least try it.People are pretty scared of your exotic ways. But once they get a taste of you, they're addicted!

What Kind of Meat Are You?

Sushi! Yummy. (: Yes, I do like exotic foods. But I'm a nono when it comes to insects. Other animals, yes, why not? Like escargo...frog legs...okay, shan't gross you out. But you get the idea. And hey, it is yummy, okay?! Can't grudge me for it...

Second blogpost of the day! Whoo~ hyper Rayne.

Where dreams were made; 10:25 PM

Sarcasm

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

In-teresting. I've always liked sarcasm, though when you are at the recieving end of it it stings horribly. But when you are using it...aha. Or when you are a neutral observer listening to it. They should hold a sarcasm competition, and see who is able to come up with the most witty quips.

In a way, sarcasm is like a game. You get stung, you flip back an answer. Just like the quip above. I wonder how the woman is going to reply.

Nice cologne. Must you stew in it?

But that's only for extreme cases. Or when the cologne is unbearable. Of course, you can always subsitute.

I'm not an expert in sarcasm, but I am jaded and sardonic at times. Yes, I know how sarcasm feels like, and I have dished it out more than once.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

Something the boss might just say to a manager.

There are other sarcastic remarks, and of course intelligent remarks. A fine thin line between those two, really. If someone's being unreasonable or disagreeable, they would interpret it as sarcastic remarks, but if they are really nice people, they would let it slide, or laugh at your cleverness. (Mostly if you are a pretty lady) But then if you are a child, and you make an intelligent remark, people would scold you, or slap you, for being impertinent. Which I think is rather unfair of them to do so. :/ Then again, when has the world ever been fair?

If you ever bother to google "sarcastic remarks", you would most likely find a whole list of them. Some of them are pick-up lines, like this:

Man: What's your sign, Cancer?
Woman: Nope.
Man: Then what is it?
Woman: Slow down and Proceed with Caution.

Not a sarcastic remark, but an intelligent remark, that one. I got it from a book. Clever author, no? Probably she used it in her time as well. It's so nice to find a book with witty women who outsmarts men (yes yes, I'm a little sexist) or to find both of them engage in witty banter. But isn't it rather hard to plan..? I wouldn't know, I've never ever tried to write a story like that.

Ho well. I've typed this out of the sake of trying to loosen up myself (I'm being badgered by impudent homework) and clear my mind. Going back to reality. Ciao.

Where dreams were made; 12:11 PM

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Another Randomer!!

Wahahahaha. Found this on Xavier's blog, who found it on his friend's blog..and the list goes on. Quite cute, actually, but I take kinda offence at some.
A-Damn good kisser.
B- Good all around person.
C- You're wild & crazy.
D- You have one of the best personalities ever.
E-You have a nice ass.
F- People totally adore you.
G- You never let people tell you what to do.
H- You have a very good personality and looks.
I- You get hyper easily.
J- Everyone loves you.
K- You like to try new things.
L- You live to have fun.
M- Success comes easily to you.
N- You are absolutely beautiful.
O- You're an awesome person.
P- You are popular with all types of people.
Q- You are a hypocrite.
R- Sexy!
S- Easy to fall in love with.
T- You're loyal to those you love.
U- You really like to chill.
V- You are not judgmental.
W- You are very broad minded.
X- You never let people tell you what to do.
Y- One of the best bfs/gfs anyone could ask for.
Z- You're a little too hard to find.

~~*~~*~~
And here are the results! ^^

R- Sexy!
A-Damn good kisser.
Y- One of the best bfs/gfs anyone could ask for.
N- You are absolutely beautiful.
E-You have a nice ass.

Which means that Sarah and Vivienne didn't make a bad choice by giving me this name! XD Why don't you try this and see what you get?

Love to everybody in the whole wide world!!

Where dreams were made; 7:26 PM

Monday, September 04, 2006

The most important thing in a team is BONDING

Today..is the day I learnt one of the most important things in my life.

Seriously.

Today at the selection camp for JPSLs and PITs, one of our tasks was to memorise two words at a time out of a 100 word essay, then run across the mini-amphi and write down our memorised words.

In the middle of the game, Sarah fell down.

Being the task manager, I should have called for the timer to stop, then see how she is. I should have.

But I didn't.

Maybe it was because I was too caught up in the hussle of the whole game...but I won't make excuses. What's done has been done.

When we finished the task, Grace (ANOTHER Grace) told us to gather, then really laid into us. She was really disappointed at us because we placed a game, a mere game, over our friend, our team mate. When Sarah fell, nobody bothered to pick her up. I wasn't there to witness it, but I can imagine it.

Sarah. My best friend. Just because of at the most, 25 rubberbands/points, and we forsook her?

People in our team started crying. Grace was almost crying too. She shouted really loudly, and we can all tell that she was really mad.

You know what? I think we earned every single word she said. Every. Single. Word.

Then she said, "For your cooperation, I still think that you deserve 20 rubberbands." 20 out of the 25.

Nobody would take it.

"Who is the task manager?"

I raised my hand.

"Is it a consensus that you are not going to take the 20 rubberbands?"

I nodded mutely.

"Why?"

It was really difficult for me to speak. I had a lump in my throat that I could not swallow.

"Because we forsook our friend for twenty rubberbands."

Grace then smiled, and said, "I'm glad that you learnt your lesson. Remember, that it's not too late for you to know your mistake. I hope that you would remember this."

She then went and hugged me, and I started to cry.

I haven't cried in school ever since kindergarden. The most is just a few tears that I always manage to hold back. But this... I ditched my best friend for rubberbands. I should have known better. I should have. Why couldn't I have seen this earlier..? I always knew that. Then why, in this case...?

In the end, Grace did hand us the 20 rubberbands. But I was already crying in full force, and so were all the people in our team. Then, Grace asked Sarah to come, and she had gauze on her hand, her elbow, and her two knees. And blood was already seeping through.

I just held on to her and cried. You may think that I'm overreacting about this, but if you were there, you would cry too. Really.

This is not only for me to release all my sorrows or regret. This is a lesson, for you guys reading my blog, and for me also if I ever happen to read my archive. Always, your team mates come before whatever task. This does not only apply to leaders, this applies to EVERYBODY. Regardless of whatever project.

Thank you so much, Grace, for waking me up in time. I wouldn't bemoan even if I'm not selected as a PIT or a JPSL. You have given me a valuable lesson...probably one of the most valuable lessons in my lifetime.

I really learned a lot. As a result of that, we bonded more than ever. Our group grew stronger.

I'm not ashamed to say that I cried. This is a good type of cry..one that I would remember forever.

Thank you so much, Grace.

Sarah darling, recover soon.

Where dreams were made; 10:04 PM

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Random

Sam Soon: If you don't eat sweet things, then what do you live for?
Jin Hyun: To bother you.

Lol. Those two make a cute couple, though if Sam Soon slims down that would be perfect. Jin Hyun reminds me of Xavier..for some reason. O.O Still gets the Act 3 blues from time to time...as always.

I had wanted to try out stuff with Photoshop, but I don't seem to be able to find the time. Hmm..I think I really need a time stopper, or a time machine. Anyone can get me one for my birthday..??

14 more days to my birthday. Excited? Not really. I have coastal cleanup on that day. XD How fitting. Last year it was my orals.

Happy birthday to me..happy birthday to me...happy birthday to me~

Nah. Still 14 days away. I still have loads to do...like Lit PT and stuff. Luckily we seem to be on the right track. (: Thanks guys..I know I make a horrible leader...I really rely on you guys for stuff. Hopefully I can plan out the stage directions and everything soon..

By the end of this week I would probably be going, "What holiday?"

Peace, guys.

Where dreams were made; 12:02 PM

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Happy Teacher's Day!!

Happy Teacher's Day! Yes, I'm one day late, I'm so sorry!! ^^;; Lazy me.

I went back to PEPS on Thursday...and saw all my old friends..!! It's so nice to see them, really. I didn't know how much I missed them until I saw them. I think I'm mixed-school deprived..being in a girl's school for what, 4 years already? Can't wait to go to a mixed school again. Nice to see the boys again. And Constance..!!! She changed so much!! So chio now. XP Yupp, we all met up, then some of us went to Macdonalds to eat first. At first, they said only 1 pm can go in, but then afterwards they changed it to 1.30pm!! Argh. ><><>< Sometimes I feel like killing him...and all the chinese boys went to HwaChong. Go figure. Ahh...I wish some of them would go to RI...then at least I have some people whom I know in JC. But anyway... Even though I didn't get to see the teachers, I don't consider going back a waste of time..!! Because I saw all of you guys, and many others whom I did not expect to see! Thanks for remembering me, especially my senior. It's been...4 years since we last acted together, and I only played a minor row? Yes, thanks for remembering me. (: I miss acting together.

I devoted a whole large chunk to PEPS. Whoa. Well, that's because I really enjoy going back...relieving all the memories, and talking to everybody!! Whee. Reminds me of the good old days.

Rayney~

Where dreams were made; 11:34 PM