Apart from the craziness and laughter and weirdness, there's also insightfulness and depth and emotion. I can talk to her about anything and everything and she'll respond in kind. And sometimes, it's not - comforting words I want to hear, but her own points, her own thinking, that she is able to empathise. And
that she understands me perfectly.
So in a way it doesn't really matter that I'm feeling this way or not. Having someone who understands what I mean is enough.
And - oh, I don't know how to explain it. It's just this feeling of gratitude and love for her for being there these years, I suppose. Even when I'm not giving enough/And I'm taking too much/You're still there for me/Even when I got nothing at all/And I'm ready to fall/You're still there for me.
Even though she corrects my grammer/spelling mistakes loads. X)
I want Emmy Rossum's Inside Out. Her voice is amazing. And "Slow me down" fits me oh-so-perfectly. I can really understand.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 2:21 PM
Saturday, September 29, 2007
I know that some things are meant to be kept secret. And that some emotions were never meant to be revealed.
It's not a matter of tact, or consideration or love for the other person but for myself. Yes, it's all in the name of self-preservation, yet I don't think it can be exactly called selfish either. It's just a way of looking out and protecting myself. Not to say that I don't care about other people or my friends, but at the same time I have to save myself as well.
In a way it irks me at times, but it's not exactly anger or jealousy or possessiveness. Just............. I don't know, it's hard to explain. I'm not that petty to get angry, in a way I understand as well, I've been through all the stages. But it's the exact same feeling I had the other time round, the one I posted on the comb. blog, only milder and not as intense. (I think it's the amount of time we spent. And perhaps the amount of love as well.)
If I appear irritated I apologise. Sometimes it's genuine, and my self-control is weak. Other times it is not. And even if you do ask me if I am, I'm not going to give an accurate answer.
Think of this as....a method of protection.
Am I being too obvious? It's weird to post this here considering that I'm making known what I don't want to make known to the whole wide world. People whom I want this to see would see it and those whom I don't would still do anyway. It's partially influenced by Teesh. I don't think I was that self-conscious before. :/
How sad it is when bonds weaken and it's time to say goodbye.
I'm not as affected this time round, but maybe reality hasn't kicked in yet.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 3:19 PM
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
LOL.
In the midst of all my stress and panicking, my mom suddenly stopped me with a bowl of gravy noodles and I calmed down a little while eating it. At the same time I was surfing blogs.
And then I came across NANCY'S blog, and she posted this really hilarious thing about parents who can't spell and lawyers being stupid, and I spat out my noodles + gravy + saliva all over the screen, just like Shu when I was grinning at the masking tape on her bottle and she was drinking and spat water all over the place laughing at me laughing. (Most of it got onto Sho, poor girl.) So now I have to clean my screen AND waste more time when I can be doing Chinese/ History/ Revision.
You funny girl, you. Maybe it's not particularly your fault, I just surfed your blog at the wrong time.
But it's seriously funny. Now my whole table's reeking of gravy noodles.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 9:23 PM
RAWR. :D I still don't know what you are! ><You don't need to. Write on the same line. Save space. Okay. Save paper, rather. Roar. Let's write smaller to save ink, paper, space, environment!0.0 I can't see. I'm old. D: OK. This big then?No. You Lion!!! Not so big.ROARRRRRR....0.0 Say something random.Mrs Wee's walking around. Not random.Oooh she's a blog of orange gliding around...I'm hungry.Was hungry 2 hours ago. Not cold anymore.What does hungry have to do with cold? Unless you're hungrily cold or coldly hungry...Cold goes with hungry...you know...hungry and cold? Cold and hungry? And I was cold 2, 1 hour ago too. So I'm not anymore. Tired. Have Photog till 5.30 and will most likely be let off at 5.45 - 6.D: Poor girl. I've got to go to MOELC and prob. reach home at 6...JX just drew on my knee and it's now smudged and so my knees have black lines - swish swish swish - like that.??? Just like Photoshop. Liquify.Whaaat? 0.0 not, nothing like liquify, she just autograph on the same knee and now I have double lines. I can pretend I have double vision.What is this word.KNEE. KNEE. You know, the part that is knobbly and juts out when you sit down?Looks like levee.American Pie. :DPeople always ask about shifting house address and the teacher always says very good question.That 'cos we don't shift house everyday.....no link? connection? I like writing like this.You sound like our teacher. If we shift house everyday it will be a common qn and not a VERY GOOD QN. JX's pen is deadly. D:But the teacher says it's very good! It's not very good. ______________________________. (It's indecipherable.) 0.0 Your handwriting's atrocious. It looks like GROTT.GROTT WHAT'S THAT SMACK FORD: Stop wasting paper, Lion.I don't know my blood group!!Aw, a Lion that doesn't know her blood group.
Further down the line...
Rayne: I don't think I can blame the heat... Trina: I know... JX: ... Rayne: In my dreams... Trina: SHUSH SHUSH SHUSH JX: WTF???
WHAT THE. 0.0Rayne: BUUURP. Trina: *muacks* Rayne: BRAAAWP. BURRP.JX looks pained when she writes. You dolt, that convo will never happen in real life.OMG OMG OMG Rayne: *SIGH* JX: ??? L.I.B: Don't you know? Rayne: I know EXACTLY.Si Rui: Whose notebook is this? Rayne: Mine. Si Rui: I wanna write in it... Rayne: NO. HA. Si Rui: Evil... Rayne: Everyone's out to bully me. :/Rayne: Oh, sweet JX! The world has come to rest its horrendous burden on my frail shoulders.
JX'S BLACK PEN'S NOT TO BE TRUSTED.
Jess: Most likely Si Rui has offended a cat in her past life. SR: Yeah, now two cats are out to get me. Rayne: I bet you were a guy in your past life and broke a kitty's heart. Now which of my relatives have you offended? SR: WHAT? Jess: Meow. SR: You're so cute! Rayne: I'll abduct you. SR: I wish I can take you two home. Rayne: I'll name you Jessica and you shall be mine. SR: I want to go to both of your houses! Jess: For what? SR: You know, there are always three or so cats at my house doorstep and they are always staring at me... Rayne: Probably they want to take revenge... Jess: *Yanks on SR's shoe lace* SR: JESSICA!!!! Rayne: I'll name you Jessica and you shall be mine. SR: If you come to my house you'll love the cats. Rayne: I want to go to your house! Jess: *draws on SR's paper* SR: JESSICA!! You are annoying me! Rayne: You're so cute! Jess: Meow. Ruff. Rayne: You shall be my kitty-puppy-chicky. SR: WHAT?! Rayne: *Yanks on SR's shoe lace* SR: OI!!!!!! You both! Stop it! Rayne: Revenge... Jess: Ahahaha.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 3:55 PM
Monday, September 24, 2007
She could describe this delicious air too, the grasses giving off their sweet cattle smell, the hard-fired earth which still held the embers of the day's heat and exhaled the mineral odour of clay, and the faint breeze carrying from the lake a flavour of green and silver.
She broke into a loping run across the grass and thought she could go on all night, knifing through the silky air, sprung forwards by the steely coil of the hard ground under her feet, and by the way darkness doubled the impression of speed. She had dreams in which she ran like this, then tilted forward, spread her arms and, yielding to faith - the only difficult part, but easy enough in sleep - left the ground by simply stepping off it, and swooped low over hedges and gates and roofs, then hurtled upwards and hovered exultantly below the cloud base, above the fields, before diving down again. She sensed now how this might be achieved, through desire alone; the world she ran through loved her and would give her what she wanted and would let it happen. And then, when it did, she would describe it. Wasn't writing a kind of soaring, an achievable form of flight, of fancy, of the imagination?
. . . . .
"Most of all, I have you to live for. Realistically, there had to be a choice - you or them. How could it be both? I've never had a moment's doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one, my reason for life. Cee."
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 9:32 PM
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever Gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.
Invictus. One of the noblest and most optimistic poems I've ever read. But I'm still scared when I shouldn't be; these are all material things and I ought to be above it but I'm most afraid of rejection.
Or maybe not rejection per se, but disappointment and that intense amount of optimism needed to pull yourself up again. Ought to get myself moving but I can't find that requisite force to propel me forward. Blah. I need a study group.
INERTIA. That horrible word.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 8:12 PM
I suddenly miss my photoshop. A lot.
Must install it after EOYs.
Come to think of it, there's a lot of things I want to do after EOYs:
-Install photoshop. -Drawing tutorials (learn to draw animals). -Go out with Sarah + Swetha. -Go out with Gracey + Muni + Nancy + JX -Go out with Sheena (FOR SURE. :D) -Book-reading. Tons of them. -Stalk cats. -Alternatively, make friends with them. -Finish Inochi no Namae and start on Eternal Snow from Full Moon wo Sagashite. -Run in fields. -DRAW. -Computer-stoning. -Explore district. -Tution. -Find a part-time job. -Exercise. -Get hooked on a game. -Read newspapers. -Plant flowers.
Bit ambitious, I know, but I just want to see how many I can get done by this year.
Some are a must, like drawing, going out with Sheena etc, but others are just there IN CASE I have free time.
But before that I must get through this period. D:
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 10:48 AM
How do you do. I am your lodger. Or rather I was to be your lodger.
What do you know! Mr Humbert, I must apologize. I thought my wife would leave you a message at the airport. I know she found other lodgings for you. Look at this dreadful disaster.
He gestures toward architectural ghosts in the aura of the vanished villa.
Follow me. Look, sir, look. Your room was right here. A beautiful, sunny, quiet studio. That was your bed - with a brand-new mattress. Here you had a writing desk - you see, that's where the wall ran - where that hose lies now.
Humbert blankly considers a heap of water - soaked volumes.
Ginny's encyclopedia. Must have dropped through the floor of my daughter's room. Good illustrations. Cathedrals. Cocoa Industry. It's a wonder that bolt did not kill Mrs McCoo and me in the master bedroom. Our little daughter was quite hysterical. Oh, it was such a lovely home. A regular showpiece. People came all the way from Parkington to see it.
Humbert stumbles over a board.
Lolita. Yay.
Oh, when you see your dreams and visions go up in smoke.
- Who is no. 6 having a relationship with? It's not who she's having a relationship with, it's who she WANTS to have a relationship with...which is pretty many people, huh, Dolly?
(If you want a direct answer, she's having a lot of relationships, including me. o.O)
- If no. 7 and no. 10 were together, would it be a good thing? o.O No. Well. Yes. No. Yes. No. NO. DEFINITELY NOT. The world will turn pink.
- What is no. 2 studying? The fastest way to lose her shoe while running. XD
- When was the last time you had a chat with no. 3? At 1.45 pm today.
- What kind of music does no. 8 like? KOREAN. I think, I'm not exactly sure..but I know Sho loves Korean stuff.
- Does no. 1 have any siblings? No...
- Will you woo no. 3? WATCH OUT NANCY. In all honesty, yes, when the moon is made out of green cheese.
- How about no. 7? NO.
- Is no. 4 single? She has Libby right by her side.
- What's the surname of no. 5? Cow. ("I'm Cow. Moonie Cow.")
- What's the hobby of no. 4? Watching movies and the directors' commentary.
- Do no.5 and no. 9 get along well? Same CCA..I suppose so right.
- Where is no. 2 studying at? Waffles.
- Say something casual about no. 1. She's cute. 'Nough said.
- Have you tried developing feelings for no. 8? We-ell...she's cuddly...
- Where does no. 9 live? Lion World.
- What colour does no. 4 like? FLUORESCENT PINK.
- Are no. 5 and no. 1 best friends? No, I am. D: Of 1, I mean.
- Does no. 7 like no. 2? She daoed her this morning though.
- How did you get to know no. 2? She bounced around too much and hit me on the head. (Kidding.)
- Does no. 1 have any pets? YES. A golden retriever which is just so cute like her!!! XD Only cuddlier. And steals prawn crackers from me.
- Is no. 7 the sexiest person in the world? You're sexy, but you're not THAT sexy. :D Oooh actually out of all of these people Dolly is the sexiest, considering what she wore today, even though she slapped me for saying that she doesn't have a _________.
Rayne
Frankly, I think that dress that Liz lent me was quite nice, but it kept dropping down and I had to keep pulling it up, and the black lace was itchy.
Where dreams were made; 5:08 PM
Thursday, September 20, 2007
If elephants could fly I'd be a little more optimistic But I don't see that happening anytime soon I don't mean to sound so pessimistic But I don't think that cow really jumped over the moon
I often worry whether I sound pessimistic or sardonic...Actually what I want to say is that it's not true, I'm not pessimistic or jaded, I'm just observing everything around me and how it affects me, they are vastly, terribly, very different things altogether, although they might be linked. Just like the sun and the moon.
People have the weirdest conversations sometimes. Mostly it's because some words get lost during the shouting over peoples' heads in a noisy classroom, or Person A tuned out and only caught the last few words, not the context of the conversation, and it creates the most interesting scenes.
Or they just said rubbish-y things like how many children they have or how many wives they have or that their butler is Mr Darcy in this serious manner, which is also fine, I like those kind of conversations.
On a sidenote, Cheryl has 10 wives, 80 children (JX is number 12 and Mish number 19) and has a butler named Mr Darcy.
And then, on another sidenote, I wonder why some people regard some things as angsty/emo when in actual fact they aren't. Just because we post something regarded as exceptionally mature, just because we delve into deeper things than usual, does that make us "dark"? I know some people are inclined to dramatise things, myself included at times (or perhaps all the time), but I get a little irritated when people frequently use those two terms on me. When I am angsty, you don't want to know about it. And I don't have to show it to the whole world either.
Please note that angsty and upset are two different things.
Rayne
Btw, I realised Min Yee is a lot like Timon from Lion King. Not the egoistic or looking down on people part, but the witty comebacks. Oh, and his actions. HIS ACTIONS. Ahahahahahahahahahaha.
Where dreams were made; 6:10 PM
Sunday, September 16, 2007
I don't know why, but I feel so cheated. X)
Anyway, thank you sarah sheena shi cheng noel binkee min yee train (yes, I know you don't want your name revealed!) talia teesh cheryl gracey for wishing me happy birthday!
AND shona for taking the effort to sms me around 0:00 AM today, even though you smsed to the wrong number, thank you so much dear. =D
On this day, countless of people were born on this earth; I was just one of them. All of them influenced at least one human life, I hope I can do the same too.
So well, happy birthday to me, and happy birthday to LKY and Uncle Eddy too. (:
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 6:10 PM
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Let not infatuation be a justification. By the time it's over you may just realize it is true love.
Dealt with some things this week that almost made my heart break. It's not only the thing per se, it's also the scope of feelings in the wider context, the way an ink blot drips onto a film of water and spreads itself down and out, until everything is a liquid black-blue.
Alright, if you don't understand what I'm talking about, it's okay, I'm just babbling. (:
Everybody is selfish in one way or another, whether it be for him/herself or for his/her loved ones. And sometimes I wonder why we have faces if we maintain an inscrutable front or put on masks? There's no need for expressions, no need for facial features; everything can be typed out in squarish words on a screen for reading. Even worse is the pretense to feel something when you aren't; your lips automatically curve up in a smile but your heart doesn't.
It's so hard, so hard to fantom out ourselves. Me. The human population. My friends. How do I know what you're thinking inside your heart? Love, I suppose, and that naive, innocent trust in you, which is so fragile that one doubt can shatter it all. Sometimes it's like our bond is severed and all the fears and worries come back to me. Sometimes it's like I don't even know you at all.
It's not a matter of pessimism or being cynical or jaded. It's a part of growing up, being introduced to deception and pretence and manipulation. But at the same time it's confirming your beliefs in what you stand for, knowing that in this world somewhere there is trust and love and friendship, and all you have to do is to search for it. It never comes easily but it will come in the end.
I wish I can say that's all that matters, but we gotta face reality. Everything comes at a price.
I'm not upset. I don't have a right to be.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 4:13 PM
Thursday, September 13, 2007
DON'T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL.
Haha, I just remembered this thingy. Nancy was telling me not to talk with my mouth full, but HER mouth was full too from the egg tart. Lol. But I was glad for the intervention, or I might have said something else that I would've really, really regretted later.
So thank you, dear. (:
Today is CUT DOWN THE TREES DAY, and as I was walking home I saw forlorn tree stumps, the surface of the cut still a fresh reddish-brown, and sometimes even half the tree trunk next to it. One was marked with a red cross. The mark of its destiny.
It made me really sad, and quite furious actually. I glared at the construction workers although it wasn't really their fault, but they were leering at me (I kid you not), and when I glared at them they gave me the "whoa, lady" expression. One part of the tree cutting thing even had a pattern. It was like, one tree stump then one tree, one tree stump then another tree along the way. And it reminded me of Will's finger stumps after his fingers got chopped off, then it seemed funny in a gruesome way.
But really, there isn't anything to be funny about.
Forgot to bring my comfort stone today. Am bringing it tomorrow.
Sheesh, I hope I'm not getting a flu, I've been sneezing my head off the entire day.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 9:30 PM
Sometimes as I talk to people I wonder what they're thinking about. Is it only their lips smiling, and are they hating me for who I am? Or with their eyes probing, wondering what I am, why I've intruded into their sphere unwittingly. Occasionally I get this sense of foreboding from their words and I pause; their eyes are entirely unsettling and so foreign. Other times it's like I'm transparent, and what they see is not what I am.
People I know dash off words unwittingly, unknowing of the impact it has. Some words are designed to carry venom; it spreads throughout and you feel paralyzed. Some give you the most excruciating pain. It's really funny, I've told you this before, it's not the complicated insults you give me but the simplest comments that can hurt me the most.
You know, if you have time, I would really love to visit the Place at the End of the Earth someday. We can let go of our fears and misgivings, and come back a whole new person altogether.
This clock never seemed so alive...
When I think about what lies in the near future (as in the near, not the near near) I start feeling panicky. I know Happiness and Suffering comes hand in hand, but I never knew that they would be consecutive days. Or even the same day. I just feel like hiding in a wishing well, and by the time I open my eyes everything would be over, and somehow miraculously I got out of it safe and sound.
Oh shush, I know you've been through this, but that doesn't make it any better.
On a plus point, Teesh and Sho gave me Lolita: A Screenplay for my birthday, and they oh-so-conveniently forgot to take off the price label. XD Thank you, you guys! The book's really nice, I couldn't take my eyes off it. (Even the pages feel nice to touch; all powdery and papery and crisp as only new books are.)
INOCHI NO NAMAE - PART THREE
Since school started I haven't had much time to listen to it. Sometimes I would hum it or replay it in my head, but always the real version sounds so much better. I think I'm becoming quite familiar with the chords, now it's a matter of coordinating the entire piece. =X
Even Spirited Away is nice. If you haven't watched it I highly recommend it, although for people like Noel who doesn't like anime/manga you won't want to...
The first time I watched it was in Perth, it was showing on the kiddy channel in English dub. I went to Perth on a post-PSLE trip, we were staying in this resort thing and six people (two groups of three) had to share a house. I was with Sarah and Swetha. It was really amazing, bunking with your best friends, and we curled up on the sofa to watch Spirited Away which was showing half-way through already. After a while I got terribly sleepy so I went to bed, but I think Sarah and Swetha stayed up until the show ended. I didn't even know what time Sarah came into the room. (We were sleeping on twin beds. Swetha shared a king-sized bed with someone else.)
Anyway after that I got the DVD and watched it from beginning to end, and it's really nice, the plot is awesome and by the end it was so heart-wrenching, Chihiro got her parents back but gave up her friends at the onsen....
So in a way the music reflects the entire movie, and complements the whole thing. All in all, the entire effect was pretty good. I watched the movie many many times.
I love Inochi no Namae. (:
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 7:00 PM
Monday, September 10, 2007
That's why I don't want to risk it all.
It's because of such things, such saddening things that makes me so afraid of letting go. And I wonder if I would be plummeting down, down, into the abyss which I have created by my own hands.
If I never try, I'd never know. But in the first place, do I even want to know?
It's...tragic. And yes, I'm a scaredy-cat. I can't abide the thought of losing what I have now in exchange for something I am not certain of. I cannot, and will not put my everything in your hands. I'm sorry. Perhaps we would leave without knowing the truth, but it's vastly preferable to something like that.
At times I question the reasoning behind everything. I don't know you. I don't know what I'm getting myself into. Sometimes I feel so clueless, not knowing where to go from this point on. Because what I'm doing is delving into the past instead of the future, and the picture I'm constructing may turn out to be something different altogether.
We hear what we want to hear, and we see what we want to see. There are so many details we're missing out because we choose to believe they are not there.
Constant strive for perfection, but nothing can ever be perfect.
Tell me what I can do. I am utterly lost right now, right here at this point. I need you to tell me that it's okay.
And I'm sorry, I wish there's something I can do but I can't, I wish things didn't turn out the way they did. I'm getting awfully scared; I don't know where this will lead. I wish there's something more I could say to make you happy again. But...
Are you going to stop struggling, and are you going to sink or float?
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 8:58 PM
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Slow down you crazy child You're so ambitious for a juvenile But then if you're so smart tell me why Are you still so afraid? Where's the fire, what's the hurry about? You better cool it off before you burn it out You got so much to do and only So many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told That you can get what you want Or you can just get old You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through When will you realize...Vienna waits for you
Slow down you're doing fine You can't be everything you want to be Before your time Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight) Too bad but it's the life you lead You're so ahead of yourself That you forgot what you need Though you can see when you're wrong You know you can't always see when you're right(you're right)
You got your passion you got your pride But don't you know that only fools are satisfied? Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true When will you realize Vienna waits for you
Slow down you crazy child Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two When will you realize...Vienna waits for you.
And you know that when the truth is told That you can get what you want Or you can just get old You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you When will you realize...Vienna waits for you
Highlighted/bolded all those that made sense/ applicable/ parallels to me.
Vienna by Billy Joel. You gotta listen to it.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 4:29 PM
Saturday, September 08, 2007
September holidays are nearly over. I'm...not exactly gonna try to pull it back, 'coz there are so many things to look forward to after September holidays, but I'm sure gonna miss it. (Except for the flu which plagued me such that I couldn't go to ATC. D:)
..Especially the company I've been in for this holiday. X) Ahahahahaha Noel epitome of lameness.
INOCHI NO NAMAE - PART TWO
It's actually the theme song from Spirited Away, translated into english is The Name of Life. It's instrumental, which is one of the reasons why I fell in love with it, it does not have the words to rigidly convey just a certain mood/feeling or theme, (most likely romance), but in a way is able to suit me almost all the time. Yeah, I never knew that instrumentals are that nice; I always thought that you need the lyrics to feel it in your heart, but apparently my heart can listen to instrumentals just fine as well.
For no reason at all, when I sleep these few days, I always tumble from one dream into the other. Which is kind of weird, I never used to have this sort of sleeping style; often I sleep dreamlessly or they are lurking somewhere in the back of my head. And this time they are almost as clear as reality, like I'm semi-consciously sleeping and pretending that I'm not about to wake up, and immediately half-way through that dream I go into another one. o.O And they almost always seem to feature the same people. Now that's majorly weird.
The worst part is that when I wake up, some parts are clear but the links are crumbling, so I can't remember the dream already, or if I do they are in disjointed parts. Rats. :/
...I think, I really need courage. Really. Or at the very least, recklessness. You can't expect me to pass each day like this without having my questions resolved. D: But when they are at the tip of my fingers something just.....holds me back. Maybe it's the fear of tipping the entire balance altogether.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 3:07 PM
Friday, September 07, 2007
INOCHI NO NAMAE - PART ONE
I really like Inochi no Namae. It's so wistful, innocent, sad....depending on my mood, like an opal that reflects different colours in different sections. More later. Can't find the words currently.
I was reading Time Limit, and the first thing I thought when I flipped through its pages was WHOA. It cannot be, the resemblance is so uncannily striking. But it looks so alike, almost-almost to the point ---
And when I read the storyline I got seriously spooked. ._.
..Parallel _______? In any case I want that story. I MUST have it. D:
I received something really unexpected today -- while it isn't exactly unpleasant, it's...surprising. I wish I was telepathic, there are so many questions that I want to ask but don't have the courage to. Alternately you can give me courage, but I wonder how far courage and recklessness can take me.
Can you measure the depth of an ocean?
Kept thinking about it, but however much I think, however much I ask, there is no voice to give me the answers I seek or I want to hear. Be it the truth or be it lies, some form of answer's...welcoming.
One cannot rely on one's own imagination.
If we keep shying away there can be no resolution. (Please don't make me take the first step.)
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 9:35 PM
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Time, you thief, who love to get Sweets into your list, put that in! Say I'm weary, say I'm sad, Say that health and wealth have miss'd me, Say I'm growing old, but add
Add----
(:
I don't know this world; I don't understand its rules. "That's okay. Let's start walking."
Do I love you?
I do, I do.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 10:18 PM
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Woke up missing some people alternately. (Huh. Really. o.O Two days ago I concluded that Noel is the epitome of lameness, even if he doesn't like the word epitome.) Really! Well, I like the word epitome. Why doesn't he like the word epitome? Look, it's even so nice to say. Ep-i-to-me. :D (He says it reminds him of tombstone, or an inanimate object.) ..That's epitaph. (I know.) I like waffles. =D (..That's random.) Exactly! (o.O) I like sausages too. (Ah....) Choo? (What?) Nothing. D: (..Do you know how weird it is talking to yourself in a public place? I mean, I often do it in lifts and sometimes in buses, but I don't often do it when I'm walking through a street or anything. People give you weird stares.) Really! I do it all the time and I don't notice. (Perhaps you are immune to their stares.) Whaaa - well, so're you! (No I'm not. :( ) Yes you are, you're not even noticing that they are staring at you right now. (They are?! Why?! I'm not even talking to myself!) Yes you are! (o.O I'm talking to YOU.) Well...that too... (..You're not making sense.) D:
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 9:23 AM
Monday, September 03, 2007
The thought of certain people reading my blog makes me feel quite self-conscious. ...Which is not the point here.
It's dark out and usually that sends me into a pensive mood. More often than not monsters come out to play on my fears, swallowing up the sunlight in a sea of darkness and shadows. I can't see - is that a blindfold? - but an acrid smell reaches my nose and I instantly recoil, only to breathe in more until the fumes choke me, bind me--
Sometimes I fear that I will get too used to that smell. That in the end, shadows would be my only lifeline to living.
But not today. Today, I have something to wonder, something to smile about, something to love. This tiny speck of gold dust that floated into my room and illuminated everything in a soft warm light. And now I'm protecting it, nurturing it, jealously caring for it. No one else can see it but me. It's mine, and no one can ever take that away from me. I think I've seen it somewhere before, it's quite nostalgic, this protective, loving feeling it evokes in me. Probably I had dreamed it into life. Perhaps. Whether it might be a dream or not, what matters is that I still have it, am having it, that it shields me from all the problems in the world.
That it makes me happier and less pained than I have felt in a very long time.
A single thought can work in such wondrous ways.
I need to get my mind off life and you.
Somehow I really don't like reading blogs of people in love. Call it jealousy, maybe, but I don't think that's the point. They behave so soppily, so childishly, so needy that I can't stand it, because it reminds me of, in a way, myself when I had once loved you as well. The worst thing is I never knew I had behaved so obsessively until I took a trip down memory lane. It is, in one word to sum it up, terrible. That kind of smell-too-much-cloying-perfume-and-powder-want-to-puke feeling.
Is that love, or is that infatuation? Somehow, I don't think that defining line is too clear, either.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 9:52 PM
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Time to rest and recover? Not likely.
Another ditch in the road, you keep moving. Another stop sign, you keep moving on... And the years go by so fast; wonder how I ever made it through...
Binkee: If I forgive you for the stupid things you did last year...Would you forgive me for the stupid things I did last year and this year? (Don't remind me about it ever again.)
Sometimes the whole world's so muted I can't hear anything but my own breathing to know that I'm alive. I'm with you and I want to tell you something important but no words come out, only that raw emotion from somewhere inside me. You say it's fine, it's fine, I don't need to explain, you understand, but do you really? Seems like we're joined by circumstance and nothing else.
A little hope Goes up in smoke Just how it goes Goes without saying...
Forgive me. This is a scrambled post, and I don't blame you if you'd just sprinkle salt 'n pepper on it and gobble it up.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 10:38 AM
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Is it that I'm not able to understand, or I've forgotten? Either way, I'm so used to painting such vibrant, colourful pictures That I fail to realize
The reality is in black and white. I've failed, time and again, to learn my lesson.
There will not be another next time. Let everything end here now.
Rayne
Where dreams were made; 5:02 PM
;Heartsong
;Me
Rayne 16 September
Femme
ex PEPS-sian | ex RGPS-er
Rafflesian | Bucklean 112'06; 211'07; 313'08; 413'09
OM DivIIProblem5'07 | NPCC Sea batch'09 vice-chair
Christian Daydreamer
;Saati(s)
Sarah <33 = {Vivienne, Swetha}
Muni | Gracey JX
Nonsayy
