When the stars have all gone out, you'll still be burning so bright.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

It's hard not to find it all a little bittersweet;

Well, Gracey... XD

Sigh. Two days in a row.

Yesterday was funny though, when the lights went out. Because after that it was math, and we protested about being unable to do sums in the dark, so Mr Ng went out to check whether the other classes were still having lessons. While he was gone the lights came back on, and someone went, "Quick! Turn off the lights!" and El jumped up to switch them all off. He came in by the back door though, and noticed at once that the switches were off. (The giggling kind of gave it away.)

And in the evening - how amusing! So much that I couldn't help smiling this morning too.

But such a tangled mess. In a helpless sort of way. And that's why reality doesn't hold up to abstractness - there's no such thing as a goal, or an aim, we just do what we do, hopelessly, just because. We live for the process. No such thing as an accomplishment.

Funnily enough, Jess reminded me of this particular date last year. I guess I'd forgotten about it; wrote about it in my notebook, but I never bothered to write down the date? Then again what's the point of dates, if all I wanted to do was to record bits of memories and feelings down in random pages? If my notebook had dates I would've been forced to keep it neat and organized.

I can still remember it though. Slumping on the table, with Jess and Dolly as my seatmates, talking and talking and almost choking on some words, and doodling aimlessly on Jess's notebook, (then black and orange) and then Xie Laoshi coming to ask us what's the matter, and we almost laughed, really, at the pointlessness, the weird humor of it all. Just like how someone might cry and laugh at the same time.

Strategic potholes in time!!!! o:

Amidst other things, but I'm not about to go into details because of Time Constraints and Personal Feelings.

And blogger is lagging.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 10:00 PM

Sunday, July 27, 2008

At his last moment, she clung to him, sobbing, as he breathed in the scent of her hair.

I

Hot through Troy's ruin Menelaus broke
To Priam's palace, sword in hand, to sate
On that adulterous whore a ten years' hate
And a king's honour. Through red death, and smoke,
And cries, and then by quieter ways he strode,
Till the still innermost chamber fronted him.
He swung his sword, and crashed into the dim
Luxurious bower, flaming like a god.

High sat white Helen, lonely and serene.
He had not remembered that she was so fair,
And that her neck curved down in such a way;
And he felt tired. He flung the sword away,
And kissed her feet, and knelt before her there,
The perfect Knight before the perfect Queen.

II

So far the poet. How should he behold
That journey home, the long connubial years?
He does not tell you how white Helen bears
Child on legitimate child, becomes a scold,
Haggard with virtue. Menelaus bold
Waxed garrulous, and sacked a hundred Troys
'Twixt noon and supper. And her golden voice
Got shrill as he grew deafer. And both were old.

Often he wonders why on earth he went
Troyward, or why poor Paris ever came.
Oft she weeps, gummy-eyed and impotent;
Her dry shanks twitch at Paris' mumbled name.
So Menelaus nagged; and Helen cried;
And Paris slept on by Scamander side.

The first time I watched Troy, I was terribly affected by it. Not by the mature bits, but by the love. Love between Paris and Helen, love between Briseis and Achilles. I hated Paris and Helen with a passion, that kind of righteous indignation that an eleven year old would have.

And well, I didn't really know what to expect when I watched it for a second time yesterday. In a way I was thinking that my opinion would've changed, maybe I would've understood Paris and Helen a little better, or able to empathise (scary word) with them. In any case, what I was not expecting is my dislike to be deeper and my opinion much more extreme. Well, I guess it goes to show that a person doesn't really change in some ways, not after all these years.

Thing is, no matter how great a love is, as long as it is not right or just not natural, you should never act on it. You can love, and love destructively, but all in your heart. Even if it is mutual. It took two spectacular warriors, thousands of soldiers, the fall of Troy just to get Paris and Helen together. Not to mention the price of love - romantic love, fatherly love, all the wives at the gates screaming for their husbands who would never come back. Achilles could've found peace with Briseis for his entire life if not for before Paris shooting him through his ankle. King Priam had to watch his dead eldest son be dragged around by a chariot, beg for his son to be returned to him for a proper burial, watch his kingdom fall and burn and listen to his people scream.

All for the love between a young, rash man and the most beautiful woman in the world.

Is it worth it?

Is it even love? Hector commented on his brother's decision to take Helen away. What do you know about love? What do you know about death?

And all the mistakes, again and again. Running to his brother like a coward, after all his bravado about fighting Menelaus one to one. Shooting Achilles through his heel. The one thing he did right was to request that his father do not bring the horse into the city, which King Priam did not heed.

I'm not going into Briseis and Achilles, because I can't. ): What I feel is just too personal to me.

Hector and Achilles could've been very good friends, I believe. They respected each other despite being on opposite sides - or Achilles was a one man side? - and would've liked each other if not for the fact that Hector killed his cousin by mistake. ): That was one of the harder parts of the show. It resulted in Achilles killing Hector and Paris killing Achilles. Poor Briseis, to see her lover and her cousins go at each other like that.

I really love this film. The uncut one. Yesterday's one was horrendously chopped. We used to have the DVD, but it got terribly scratched, so we threw it away. Anyone got the Troy DVD? Let's watch it again together. :D

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 6:45 PM

Saturday, July 26, 2008

あなたがいる限り

Was testy all morning. ): I'm sorry, groupmates, for being so annoyed with the world. Lack of sleep + assembly + career ed first block does not bode well for me.

Well, most of us seemed to be in a bad mood anyway. Jess was quietly rebellious, Jamie was openly rebellious and made faces behind the CE teacher (I do not blame her), even Mr Evans was annoyed with the computer. Odd week Fridays are not good. CE and triple science in one day.

Where is a history block when you need it?? D: Or math, for even as we struggle, Mr Ng amuses us with his lame jokes.

At chem, last block of the day, it all started to get a little haywire. Rox and I started trying to sneak peeks at Jess's chem practical paper because we had no idea how to start, but we only managed to see the first instruction she wrote, because the next one she scribbled in huge letters was: 2. EAT A TOMATO. D:

And there begins the hilarity, which fed on exhaustion and doubled. Couldn't stop giggling, which sets Rox off, which sets me off again. Stupid hilarious comments, table drawing, our hopelessness at chem practicals got to us. And Jess. Attempts made on her chem techniques just saw her looking harrassed and making loads of weird comments on her paper. Which, I presume, she rubbed off..?

Well, the rest need not be explained. Cried a little, laughed a lot. On combined blog.

You gave me a world to believe in
You gave me a love to believe in
何度だって
やり直せる
明日がある限り

First time I heard of The Golden Goose, I laughed, mainly because of the way it was told. Second time I read it through, I laughed even more, because I can just imagine all of them stumbling behind him trying to keep up.

The Golden Goose > http://www.authorama.com/grimms-fairy-tales-50.html

I wonder though, did he fail to realise all of them, despite their pleas for help, or did he ignore them and went on his way? Only part I was disconcerted by. You never really understand human nature until you watch biology videos, and all the things you are appalled by, like playing with their food while they are still alive, trapping prey with cunning and manipulation until there is no way it could escape, you actually realise how it is incorporated inside us. Only most of the animal tactics are for survival, except for the playing of food, whereas we do it not to continue our species, but, almost, for fun. And we ought to know better. Having minds of our own and comprehending morals and all, able to help people and trust, we really ought to know better.

Or unless we are not as good as animals?

Biology makes you feel so small. It keeps your ego in check and you in your rightful place. I would've liked to say that I'd realised this earlier and chose biology for this purpose, but I'm not that good. I'm glad I took it in the end. Then again, you never really, truly regret what you never had, unless you had gotten a taste of it before it was taken away.

Which will lead me on and on, but I'm tired and Aluminium is being stubborn and narrow. Prince of Egypt is warm and alive on my speakers but it cannot give me life-force. ):

As Binkee will say, Nos Da. (HA see I'm learning welsh from you now!)

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 12:12 AM

Thursday, July 24, 2008

My umbrella only made its appearance after I took out my blouse and my file.

By then I didn't have much use for it, but well, there's always another rainy day.

Cadenza videos, all taken by Lynda. (You can tell right, the camera clicks are so blatant. XD)

MUST WATCH:

Brazil. Awesomely adorable song! Especially when the trumpets stood up and did their one up one down thing. And when the flutes and the clarinets wriggled out of their chairs. Talia's somewhere in there, second person from the front for one of the flute rows, and Jess is right at the end of the clarinets section.

Oh and Sam's the little head RIGHT at the back. Once she spotted me and grinned, because she cannot wave.

Technology, a solo by the percussion. Sam's definitely more visible here, she's playing the huge drum with the awesome bass sounds. Can't miss her; she's in the middle most of the time, and her hands move a lot with the huge drumsticks. I would've almost said that she was the main star, but it would be blasphemy, because this would not have been possible without the whole percussion section. Note the things on their heads? They're feelers, because they're supposed to be aliens.

Oh and there's a "transition", as Lynda puts it, because that girl settled her camera into her lap halfway through the performance to take photos of them with her other camera.

After this performance I started noticing the drums a LOT.

Lynda has more photos and videos uploaded, so go there too!

Apparently Muni and I are the same height now, which is impossible, because I am at least 2 cm taller than her. Jazzu I think you're cock-eyed. D<

Jazzu: I think it's the hair.
Muni: Noo, when I took my height I excluded the hair!
Jazzu: ...And how did that happen, hmm? XD

:D

Where dreams were made; 10:06 PM

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The scenario is grave but I'll be braver when you save me

Call it mystery or anything
Just as long as you'd call me
I sent the message on did you get it when I left it?
See this catastrophic event
It wasn't meant to mean no harm
But to think there's nothing wrong is a problem

So many emotions. So many thoughts running through my head.

In a hurry to spell check me
And I'm underlined already in envy green
And pencil red
And I've forgotten what you've said

Such a lack of words to describe, to explain. One word, really, but only to those who understand. Thing about public domains is that it's so freaking hard to express anything simply, precisely, because there's always someone who's not supposed to see this.

My heart scrunched up when I saw you first today. What's happening?

The one thing which I want to say, but cannot. Perhaps its appeal lies in the very fact that it is forbidden.

Love is blinding when the timing's never right
Oh who am I to beg for difference
Finding love in just an instant
Well I don't mind, at least I've tried...

Where dreams were made; 11:29 PM

Monday, July 21, 2008

Nothing you confess could make me love you less

And therein lies the problem. It's just so subjective. We make it so personal, so close to our hearts that at any slightest ripple, by the time it reaches our shores it turns into a destructive tsunami. Obviousness is out of the point. People inside the game never realise their actions until they get out of it.

At a point of time I would've said, stay or go, but then I'd realised that it was a bit selfish. Everything and anything that happens stays within my radius, and it never gets out, because it cannot, even if I wish it to. It is all with me. It always will be with me. 'Tis I that flounders and trashes about seeking land.

Reminded me of the Imogen Heap song lyrics I posted a while back.

Tumultuous feelings.

-

Met Yi Min Cheryl Gracey JX at Subway after NDP marching, before legging it with JX and Gracey in search of shoes and coercing Gracey into wearing a dress. >D In the end we all tried on that dress. It's pretty - looks as though it's woven out of sunshine. Then ran into the whole NCC Air contingent at Long John's. Muni and Nana came over to join our table, and then we went around Far East again in search of cheap stuff. JX went off to Gramophone and Nana disappeared mysteriously while we were in the dressing room. Nah. She just left coz her mom called.

And then! Huge shock of the day. Gracey lost her wallet. She ran out to find it (we were sitting at this platform thing with nice spotlights that warm our butts) and came back. Searched through her bag. Loads of plastic bags came out but no wallet. We backtracked and tried searching for it on the floor...went up to first storey to ask the security guard, and then the nearby shopkeepers. No result! Panicky. Gracey called her mom. ( ): ) And then we headed back to This Fashion, went to the dressing room again - nothing - and asked the counter. And! She pulled a green and white wallet from a drawer! Relief all around. Gracey's mom was called again to be informed of the happy news. Purchases were made in rapid succession as a token gift of gratitude to the shop - not really, we wanted to buy them in the first place already. Happy ending, amidst the ever-raining sky, and the shop was warm and bright.

-

Tea, I think, and then back to whatever I was doing.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 9:17 PM

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Come around and say you love me

Someone once told me that music is the language of love.

I do not doubt it.

You know how one song can worm its way to your soul, wrap around it and tug on your memories so gently you feel as though you might cry? Picture this: all around you, beautiful, magnificent music, the rhythm so strong that your heart, completely absorbed into the tempo, moves with it; it beats with the drum, strums with the plucked strings, hums with the high flutes, soars deep into the trombones, sings with the clarinets. It's not gentle, it slams into the soul with such power and force before cradling it sweetly, lightly, with careful hands. It whirls around, taking you by the hands and literally flinging you up into the air, such that for one wild moment, you think that wings would burst from your shoulders and you'd soar-

Sometimes it takes you dancing, with high heels and flouncy gowns, and you just feel like you can dance and dance all night, with incredibly light feet. Hats tipped jauntily to an angle and satin gloves. Champagne bubbles and clouds! The feeling of having fun for the sake of it.

And then the only piece that was so familiar, like a well-thumbed book, well-worn shoes, well-known lover. Only it returns so much more breath-taking, and we reach out for it. It called, and something deep inside us answered, an ancient call. It was almost like watching life blossoming in front of us, emotions overlapping out of the metal instruments, synchronising to form the very essence that makes up our souls. We love it for what it is, awe-inspiring and stunning and at the same time so terrible, pulsing through our minds and vibrating in our cells. For two-half hours we sat there-

Breathing music. Living music. Swallowing music, knowing it from the inside out, allowing it to run through your veins like molten honey, warm and sweet and golden. No words. This is but the conversation of souls.

I'm having it on replay now.

-

At times it was just so cute. At the very end I felt a jolt of recognition when they played Sound of Music - yes, it was very adorable as well. When they announced the highly anticipated piece of the afternoon, Lynda - yes, that awesomely tall and pro girl who just won an award, and was the only girl (Congrats.), and was the first person I spotted when I entered the hall - squealed. Okay, we both squealed. I fell in love with it ever since they played a part of it for assembly, even though it had a few noticeable mistakes, but it was brilliant. And this, this, this is why we fall in love. Really.

There was this guy who whistled after a few performances, and every time he did that we would look at each other and snicker. And another guy right behind us who had a really bad cold - he snorted really loudly, and Lynda started me off by giggling, and then we were trying to hush, because it is pretty rude. We must not make fun of people with colds! :D

Talia was adorable. Extremely, extremely adorable. And so was Jess; that girl who shys away from the camera, has finally taken pictures with us willingly! And actually took the initiative to hug me. o: The same Jessica that I know? Well....maybe the scent of the roses got to her.

But you know, in spite of all the life, some~~thing~~ that I can't get out of my mind. Mostly because there's just too much to wish for.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 12:13 AM

Friday, July 18, 2008

How much are you willing to pay? :D

Rayne; D'you think that we'd all dream the same? says:
they're auctioning for Nancy
music when the lights go out Here's your time-sick bag; enjoy the flight. says:
auditioning, you mena
Rayne; D'you think that we'd all dream the same? says:
yeah
music when the lights go out Here's your time-sick bag; enjoy the flight. says:
not auctioning
HAHA

Whoops!

Look at John Barrowman jumping up and down like a gleeful monkey!

-

How much am I supposed to believe? How much am I supposed to take to be truly mine?

Even the words are borrowed.

-

Why do dances have to come to an end? Why can't they continue dancing in each other's arms, stare lovingly into each other's eyes?

Oh, if only, if only.

How did that song go again? That one that played during JX's birthday party, a long, long time ago, before I started harnessing the energy of reality and spinning it into dreams.

Close your eyes
Give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating?
Do you understand
Do you feel the same?
Or am I only dreaming?

Someone quick, make a video out of it, eternalize that moment forever.

The safest place in the world. Next to your heart.

Where dreams were made; 11:40 AM

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Money can buy you everything but happiness and pay your fare to every place but heaven.

Before I forget, or my finger loses that page, one page in a book of many pages -

We grow by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day, or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them, nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that they dreams will come true. - Woodrow Wilson.

And one of my personal favourites, one that never fails to wake me up -

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy Peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love, where there is injury, pardon; whence there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sickness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love, for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. - St Francis of Assisi.

Never, never forget.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 11:05 PM

Had tuition at 6.15, which was a bit of a scary coincidence, because I'd just finished bathing. At first I thought she'd be coming at 6.30-7, but she smsed me after I went to bathe, so I didn't see it. Well. All wet and drippy, but at least I was out of the shower.

And she fell asleep!! While I was doing my homework, she fell asleep. We were all yawning like crazy...and I was trying to remember my chinese speech as I went along, but I couldn't remember the topic sentence. We ended up talking about projects and random things like chinese books and junior colleges instead of properly doing math. I didn't exactly mind. :D

A week isn't enough for everything that we need to do.

小さな喜びを乗せて　
回り出すメリーゴーラウンド
夜明けの来ない日でも　
心に明かり灯そう
誰かが泣いているのなら　
手を差し出せばいい
そのあと虹がかかれば　
少しやさしくなれるの

The prayers a person lives on his feet are no less important than those he says on his knees.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 9:11 PM

Love's no longer blind.

One of the illusions of life is that the present hour is not the critical, decisive hour. Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year. He is only rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with worry, fret and anxiety. Finish every day, and be done with it. You have done what you could.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

And so. It's a brand new day today.

In seven hours I'm gonna get out there and do something good. (:

I'm tired of loving this way...

For some reason, for any reason, for any justifiable reason...What did I tell Gracey? Hook, line and sinker! But then again I was always a tad partial to that sort of thing. Endless possibilities, endless endings (ooh) but then I chose to observe it at that point of time, at that particular moment, and it turned out like that. Endless worlds, full of me doing the same thing, full of you doing the same thing, and this is how it turns out?? That's not..very nice.

Quantum physics is fascinating, but a lot of it goes right over my head.

It might've been a choice. Part of it, anyway.

Just for a moment there, I could've sworn that my mind and heart were almost in sync. Apparently not.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 12:58 AM

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Our unit is so scandalous. Really.

Sometimes it's almost as though you can create, with sufficient strength of feelings, pockets of Time in this world. It just comes to you sometimes, flashbacks so tangible it's almost as though you're living in the past again.

On the escalator alone up to ArtFriends, I started smiling and couldn't stop. There was this adorable girl that got both herself and her friend lost, and with an air of conviction, attempted leading both of them to the departmental mall when Kino was just right above their heads amidst other blunders. It was terribly funny and endearing at the same time.

It's almost like that alien device that Owen was so affected by, but instead of pushing a button, you're automatically inside it. Inside a memory. Living the memory.

I kept bumping into Mak Xiao Wei, who, for some reason I cannot comprehend, looked incredibly cute inside her pullover. And when I mean kept, I mean everywhere. Really. Artfriends, Creative Hands, another art shop that I can't remember..I can even see her in the opposite shop from a window. Hmm.

music when the lights go out Here's your time-sick bag; enjoy the flight. says:
alright
argh wait my head hurts
i'll be back in a while
stay there
Rayne; D'you think that we'd all dream the same? says:
alright
music when the lights go out Here's your time-sick bag; enjoy the flight. says:
well i went downstairs
had a glass of milk
stuck my head in the freezer for a while
Rayne; D'you think that we'd all dream the same? says:
does it work?
music when the lights go out Here's your time-sick bag; enjoy the flight. says:
slipped on the wet kitchen floor
and now i have an oddly rectangular bruise on my knee but my head feels a lot better
it's strange
Rayne; D'you think that we'd all dream the same? says:
the perfect cure for an aching head
but not for a knee, however.
well
bruises are better than aching heads.
music when the lights go out Here's your time-sick bag; enjoy the flight. says:
yup.
any day.

Is there any home remedy to flu? Besides the honey and lemon, because I haven't got either.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 6:47 PM

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I've done this quiz before, but I got so tickled at the responses (Nana and JX) that I want to do it again. For fun. :D

1. The person who passed you this quiz is... Nana. (JX did it too, but I saw Nana's first.)
2. Your relationship with him/her is... very huggly.
3. Your 5 impressions of her
1. Very squishy and huggable!
2. Walking happy therapy
3. Beautiful eyes and long curly eyelashes <3
4. Loves Orlando Bloom to bits. o:
5. Loving

4. The most memorable thing she has done for you... oh dear I can't think of any right now. Well she...went out with me today? XD
5. The most memorable words she has said to you... cannot be repeated here.
6. If she becomes your lover, you will... hug her to death every day.
7. If she becomes your lover, things she should improve on... NOTHING. Nana I love you the way you are.
8. If she becomes your enemy, you will... have terrible withdrawal symptoms
9. If she becomes your enemy, the reason will be... I refuse to drink bubble tea with her
10. The most desired thing you want to do for her now is... HUG HER
11. Your overall impression of him (her1!!)is... pretty!
12. How do you think people around you will feel about you? Apparently they envision me married.
13. The characteristics you love about yourself are... I have no idea.
14. On the contrary, the characteristics you hate about yourself are... substandard-ness. And that I've got emotional inertia as big as the Earth.
15. The most ideal person you want to be is... myself. :D
16. For people that care and like you, say something to them... And I you too.
17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you.
1. Sarah
2. Dolly
3. Nancy
4. Gracey
5. Muni
6. Jazzu
7. Wan Ting
8. Jess
9. Noelle
10. Sheena

18.Who is no.6 having a relationship with at the moment? Her doll.
19. Is no.9 a male or female? Well...
20. If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing? o_o NO.
21. How about no.8 and 5? HAHAHA I can imagine it but it's not a pleasant image.
22. What is no.2 studying? The most incoherent way of fangirling.
23. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3? I...have no idea.
24. What kind of music band does no.8 like? Nice songs, or band songs.
25. Does no.1 has any siblings? (I answered this before) Nope.
26. Will you woo no.3? (And this too. o_o) You do not want me to answer this.
27. How about no.7? I don't mind. She looks so pretty in that photograph. Congrats on getting the award, equine. :D
28. Is no.4 single? Yes....
30. What is the hobby of no.4? Draw between art and listening to music.
31. Do no.5 and 9 get along well? I don't think they know each other.
32. Where is no.2 studying at? Do you even study? o:
33. Say something casually about no.1. <3
34. Have you tried developing feelings for no.8? What do you mean try? What a weird, forced question.
35. Where does no.9 live at? Dunno.
36. What colour does no.4 like?
Rayne; D'you think that we'd all dream the same? says:
what colour do you like?
- grace and there's a happy ending, says:
green and orange lol

There you go.

37. Are no.5 and 1 best friends? Not exactly.
38. Does no.7 likes no.2? Do you even know each other??
39. How do you get to know no.2? Ex-classmates.
40. Does no.1 have any pets? Beautiful golden retriever who enjoys belly rubs.
41. Is no.7 the sexiest girl in the world? Nope. ;D Someone else on the list is.
42. Do you think its possible if no.4 and no.5 date each other? WELL...they could try...?
43. Say something more about no.6... Amazing set of Copic markers. Jealous!
44. what is your relationship with no.9... What is our relationship exactly, Noelle?
45. List all the schools that no.1 to no.10 are in and originally from.
1. Sarah- SCGS - RGPS -RGS
2. Dolly- ??? - Rosyth (?)- RGS
3. Nancy- ??? - Henry Park - RGS
4. Gracey- ??? - St Hilda's - RGS (HAHA remember singing your school song together?)
5. Muni - ???- Rosyth - RGS
6. Jazzu - ??? - RGS
7. Wan Ting - ??? - RGS
8. Jess - ??? - RGS
9. Noelle -??? - Princess Elizabeth - ACSI
10. Sheena - De La Salle - NYGH - HCJC
46. What would you do if no.10 hates you? Please don't. You're the closest thing to a sister that I would ever have.
47. Which of the following are in a relationship? How do I know??
48. How did you first met no.3? In Sec One
49. How would you react if no.3 and no.10 are together? NO NO NO NO NO.
50. Last question! What would you do if no.4 tells you she is pregnant? 1) OH GRACEY HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU 2) Is it ______'s baby?3) Can I be his/her godmother? :D

And just for fun, Nana's and JX's responses to the questions about me:

JX:
21. How about no.8 and 5? One of them would sooner die of shock. (8 being Nancy and 5 being me. Why, JX?)
31. Do no.5 and 9 get along well? I think so (9 = Min Yee. Haha I used to be so antagonistic towards her in primary school. I was so volatile! But I liked her then anyway. She was the first one who paid $2 for a terribly drawn comic strip by me. :D)
37. Are no.5 and 1 best friends? Well they do talk to each other a lot. (1 being gracey. I remember last year Nancy and JX were speculating the relationship between me gracey and sarah: I was married to Gracey, Min Yee's our son, I don't like Min Yee because she caught me having an affair with Sarah. Hmm. You guys have a lot of free time on your hands, don't you?)
42. Do you think its possible if no.4 and no.5 date each other? What is possible if they date each other??? Specify! (:D)

Nana:
27. How about no.7? See above. I wouldn't mind wooing Sze Min actually, she's very pretty and sweet. (...thank you. I'm not pretty.)
41. Is no.7 the sexiest girl in the world? HECK YEAH :D Damn nice figure, and a pretty face to go. (First reaction: I yelled, "_____?!" [not to be repeated here] and started laughing hysterically. Oh gosh. Nana, I love you. You can go ahead and woo me all you want. I am immensely flattered and embarassed at the same time.)

Terribly amused.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 9:58 PM

& life is just the picture dancing on a screen

My parents went to watch Hancock and brought back popcorn for me, only it's soggy and bits keep getting stuck in my teeth. Is it because the air went out of the fluff or moisture went in, or both, like displacement?

I want to watch Hancock, and 10 promises to my dog (OH JOY, it's still showing! It came out on the 26th June and I'm so afraid that it'll be over) but I've no time and company is not there. (Company is busy too, you see.) So I will....wait. And wait. And wait.

):

Where are we now, on the path of Life?

I realized something that I'd always known since Secondary 1, only now with...concrete people, but it doesn't stir up as great as a reaction in me. I must be mellowing. :D In a way it makes me a little regretful, as though I'm just another one of the millions that was drawn to the tricks, the warmth, the charm, only with greater destruction. I allowed it to get to me, is all.

But then again, I wouldn't have it any other way.

And then, Siegfried Sassoon! One of my favourite poets at the moment. If only he didn't write so many war poems, they make me feel melancholy.

AND still they come and go: and this is all I know--
That from the gloom I watch an endless picture-show,
Where wild or listless faces flicker on their way,
With glad or grievous hearts I'll never understand
Because Time spins so fast, and they've no time to stay
Beyond the moment's gesture of a lifted hand.

And still, between the shadow and the blinding flame,
The brave despair of men flings onward, ever the same
As in those doom-lit years that wait them, and have been...
And life is just the picture dancing on a screen.

Where dreams were made; 9:30 PM

Monday, July 14, 2008

She kissed him twice, and left.

Dreamt again, last night, of surrepitious glances and real habits.

..Well, at least I know where that dream came from.

I'm contemplating switching to LJ, but I'll miss the links and the fun-to-spam tagboard! LJ is very un-user friendly in terms of Html. ): On the other hand it provides security, so....

Just now I abruptly recalled this incident in school which made me so paranoid and irrational and started checking all sorts of weird stuff...I cringe. Well it would've been fine if it had stopped there, but GAH I was such a little fool. XD Even though I don't really think I'm much better this way.

Sunsets are loved because they vanish.

Flowers are loved because they go.

The dogs of the field and the cats of the kitchen are loved because soon they must depart.

These are not the sole reasons, but at the heart of morning welcomes and afternoon laughters is the promise of farewell. In the gray muzzle of an old dog we see goodbye. In the tired face of an old friend we read long journeys beyond returns.

Did I mention how much I love Ray Bradbury's style?
.
.
.

Timothy, at dinner one night surrounded by his Family, and napkinning his tears, said:

"Angelina means like an angel, yes? And Marguerite is a flower?"

"Yes," someone said.

"Well then," murmured Timothy. "Flowers and angels. Not ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Angels and flowers."

"Let's drink to that," said all.

And they did.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 10:08 AM

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Last night I dreamt that I was walking through the canteen to put away my plate, and somehow the trays were outside the windows (the canteen was at one of the highest floors) and before my brain could've conceived what was going to happen I'd flung out my plate, out of the window, except that someone had taken away the tray and it was just one empty space. Soon as I'd realised what happened I turned away from the window quickly so that no one would see what I'd done, and from another window I watched as a girl screamed and clutched her head, the plate on the floor, a pool of blood forming. Her friend extended her hand helplessly. Below people were shouting, demanding for the person who threw the plate, and I walked down with the rest, heart racing, trying to look innocent, praying desperately for...I don't know exactly, just something to save me from all this.

And then I woke up.

I wonder if this is a foreboding of some kind, because it's not the only dream that I had featuring...well, non-existent trays. And that plate. Only thing is that I couldn't remember what happened after that, or whether it hit someone, but this time it was crystal clear.

The only thing that came close in real life was in primary school, where I accidently almost dumped a plate inside the dustbin. I caught myself in time though, but I couldn't rescue the fork. xD

I seldom remember what I dream, but there are some that until today still takes my breath away. Somehow it's always my nightmares that are recurring - two straight nights, or after a few years' time. Sequels. The nicest ones never come back to me. But, oh dear, they are so nice that I wake up longing for it. Or feigning sleep so that I can commit it to memory, relieve the feelings of exhilaration and love and joy.

I've been watching Torchwood, and I still can't determine my feelings towards it. Captain Jack is a bit out of character here, but I'm sure that's something that happened during the post-Doctor&Rose and pre-Torchwood period. I can't wait to find out his past. Finally I can get why people keep making fun of Gwen, but it's not her fault, not really. Owen's smartmouthed and Tosh is so cute. (:D) Susie..well, Susie is dead, and Ianto is so bland and good-natured and...gay. At least he hasn't started wearing pink - not in Torchwood anyway. When he wore it in DW he looked terrible. Terribly girly. He keeps giving people tea and doing all the admin work.

David Tennant is immensely cute, but John Barrowman is immensely...HAHAHA. (JX you can fill in the blank.)

From NMTB:
Simon: I'm putting my foot down. You cheated back there-
John: I didn't cheat!
Simon: Not you Barrowman.
John: Right.
Simon: Oh it's always about you isn't it?
John: Yeah. :D
Simon: I'll be in Maria. I'll be in Torchwood. I'll be in any bloody show that'll have me!
John: XD
Simon: Even Buzzcocks.

Hooray for Brit TV! :D

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 4:40 PM

Friday, July 11, 2008

What won't I give to talk to you now -

You have no idea.

It's been rainy and cold. But it doesn't stop at my numbed fingers and toes.

Already the play is grinding to a halt. The actors are tired; the lines are spoken too often; the smiles are too fake. One lone person in the audience cheers. We stare in weariness and depression. Glasses of water are gulped down fast, only to pour out of the masks when we take them off.

Last night I had to stuff music to block out the noise from my ears.

The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it. - C.C. Scott.

If I get lost tomorrow, you'd know what happened.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 12:02 AM

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Talked to Viv last night. Or this morning, in the wee hours, where the difference between days was so subtle that no one notices when we cross into Today's Tomorrow. On my table the computer clock spun. A new day had begun.

We had this giant mass convo, Sarah me and her, only it was a bit laggy on our part because I was on the phone with Sarah and we were trying to rush our SS pt. We talked about school, about us, about her, about the separate memories Time filled in the space between us. It was good, I admit. It was wonderful to talk to her again. In a way she sounded just like the old Viv we used to know - we could imagine her saying some things in that way of hers, and she remarked the same about us.

I suppose even in times of change, where everything's not certain and the only thing we can hold onto is God, we always retain some part of our former selves. It was comforting to know that I had not changed as much as I thought I would have.

I haven't built up the immunity to sleeping late yet though.

It's all quiet and sinisterly happy, almost like a nursery rhyme.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 8:16 PM

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

You see, I do it for the both of us.

In me, past, present, future meet
To hold long chiding conference.
My lusts usurp the present tense
And strangle Reason in his seat.
My loves leap through the future's fence
To dance with dream-enfranchised feet.

In me the cave-man clasps the seer,
And garlanded Apollo goes
Chanting to Abraham's deaf ear.
In me the tiger sniffs the rose.
Look in my heart, kind friends, and tremble,
Since there your elements assemble.

So let us all jump into a puddle of Time.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 11:59 PM

Monday, July 07, 2008

Exterminieren!

Warning: Spoilers! And a lot of quotes.

It's over, over, over! D:

Last episode of DW Season four is over and done with. It's so....unsatisfying. A little upsetting, actually. Bit too melodramatic and incredulous in some parts...especially after the cliffhanger of the second last episode.

Captain Jack bursts out of a ventilation shaft in front of Sarah Jane, Mickey and Jackie]
Captain Jack: Just my luck, I climb through two miles of ventilation shafts, tracking life signs on this thing, and who do I find? Mickey Mouse!
Mickey: (deadpan) You can talk, Captain Cheesecake!
[Both laugh and hug each other]
Captain Jack: Good to see ya! And that's Beefcake...
Mickey: ...and that's enough hugging...

It was good to see everybody again! It's the Tardis Family Reunion! Children of Time, Davros called them. But oh, it's so tragic at the end. Rose got a false Doctor and kissed him in front of the real Doctor - HOW DARE YOU ROSE - and Donna is never going to be with the Doctor again. Ever. And he didn't say it, why didn't you, Doctor? Although we all know why. If he said it Rose would love him even more, and never forget about the real him, and even though he loved her as much he has to let her go. But kissing the other Doctor at the end was too insensitive. They didn't even get to say a proper goodbye.

Proper Doctor: I said 'Rose Tyler'.
Rose: Yeah?... and how was that sentence gonna end?
Proper Doctor: Does it really need saying?

Don't you hate it when people do that, not expressing their real feelings, even though they want to? It's aggravating. ):

But how would it turn out? It's just like JX said, she would still love the Real Doctor and love the False Doctor but then she'll feel guilty about the Real Doctor and the False Doctor would know and feel sad too, because he has the Real Doctor's feelings and he loves her as much as the Real Doctor does. Is it possible to feel jealous of yourself who is and yet isn't part of you? And is it possible to both love the person right in front of you and another who isn't, even though they are the same person? It's such a mess. Russell T Davis is so TERRIBLE to do this to us.

The Doctor's all alone again.

Poor Donna. Poor, poor Donna. I'm going to miss her. With her on the show DW was so much funnier and real. And she would never remember a thing, never remember how good she was, how noble (haha) and glorious and fiery she was. It's such a shame. I want her to stay on the show as much as I do David Tennant.

Donna: [seeing The Doctor and Rose hugging] You can hug me if you want.
[Jack laughs, thinking its a joke]
Donna: No, really, you can hug me.

Donna, Donna, Donna. I didn't care so much for Rose or Martha, because they just had eyes for the Doctor, but Donna was so real. And so sensitive, even with her cutting wit.

Tribute to Donna, with all her amazing moments:

The Doctor: You've got a mobile?
Donna: I am in my wedding dress. It doesn't have pockets! Who has pockets? Have you ever seen a bride with pockets?! When I went to my fitting at Chez Allison, the one thing I forgot to say was "GIVE ME POCKETS!"

The Doctor: Guess what I've got, Donna?
[Holds up Robot remote control]
The Doctor: Pockets!
Donna: How did that fit in there?
The Doctor: They're bigger on the inside.

The Doctor: ...With Martha, like I said, it got ... complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate.
Donna: You just want to mate?!
The Doctor: I just want a mate!
Donna: You're not mating with me, sunshine!
The Doctor: A mate! I want a mate!
Donna: Well, just as well, cos I'm not having any of that nonsense! You're just a long streak of nothing! You know, alien nothing...

Donna: [referring to the Doctor escaping a Pyrovile] You fought it off with a water pistol! I bloody love you!

Sibylline sister: [referring to Donna] This prattling voice will cease forever!
The Doctor: [arriving] That'll be the day!
Sibylline sister: [Surprised by the doctor's entry] No man is allowed to enter the temple of Sibyl
The Doctor: Well that's alright, just us girls

Donna: Oh, all right then, you and me both! This is barmy! I was born in Chiswick! I've only ever done package holidays. Now I'm here! This is... I mean it's... I dunno, it's all sort of... I don't even know what the word is! [steps out of the TARDIS, to find a frozen planet]
Donna: Oh, I've got the word. Freezing!
The Doctor: Snow! Ah, real snow. Proper snow at last! That's more like it, lovely! What do you think?
Donna: Bit cold.
The Doctor: Yeah, but look at that view!
Donna: Yep. Beautiful, cold view.
The Doctor: Millions of planets in millions of galaxies, and we're on this one! Molto bene! Bellissimo! Like you said Donna. Born in Chiswick. Oh, you've had a life of work and sleep and telly, and rent and tax and takeaway dinners. All birthdays and Christmases and two weeks' holiday a year, and then you end up here. Donna Noble, citizen of the Earth! Standing on a different planet! How about that, Donna? [beat] Donna? [turns round to find her gone]
[Donna steps back out of the TARDIS in a large furry parka, with the hood up]
Donna: Sorry, you were saying?
The Doctor: Better?
Donna: Lovely, thanks.
The Doctor: Comfy?
Donna: Yup.
The Doctor: Can you hear anything inside that?
Donna: Pardon?

Solana: Now then, Dr Noble, Mrs Noble, if you'd like to follow me....
The Doctor: [quickly] Oh no, we're not married.
Donna: We are so not married.
The Doctor: Never.
Donna: Never ever.

Ood: I do not understand, Miss.
Donna: Why do you say "Miss" -- do I look single?!
The Doctor: Back to the point...!

Donna: Donna, Donna Noble. Since you didn't ask. I'll have a salute.
[Colonel Mace turns to Doctor. Doctor nods, suppressing a grin. Colonel turns back round.]
Colonel Mace: [Salutes] Ma'am.
Donna: Thank you.

The Doctor: We're going to the country. Fresh air and geniuses - what more could you ask?
Donna: I'm not coming with you. I've been thinking. I'm sorry. I'm going home.
The Doctor: Really?
Donna: I've got to go.
The Doctor: Well, if that's what you want. I mean, it's a bit soon. I had so many places I wanted to take you. The Fifteenth Broken Moon of the Medusa Cascade, the Lightning Skies of Cotter Palluni's World, the Diamond Coral Reefs of Kataa Flo Ko... Thank you. Thank you, Donna Noble. It's been brilliant. You saved my life, in so many ways. You are... [realization dawns; expression changes suddenly] You're just popping home for a visit, that's what you mean.
Donna: You dumbo.
The Doctor: Then you're coming back.
Donna: Know what you are? A great big, outer-space dunce.

Donna: [Watching Jenny seduce a guard. To the Doctor] I'd like to see you try that.

Donna: [to The Doctor] You talk all the time but you never say anything.

Donna: It's a murder, a mystery and Agatha Christie!
The Doctor: So? Happens to me all the time
Donna: I know but isn't that a bit weird? Agatha Christie didn't walk around surrounded by murders, not really. That's like meeting Dickens surrounded by ghosts at Christmas!
Doctor: Well...
Donna: Oh come on! It's not like we could drive across country and find Enid Blyton having tea with Noddy! Could we? Noddy's not real-is he? Tell me there's no Noddy!
The Doctor: There's no Noddy.

DETOX SCENE, which is unbearably funny, so all of you must watch it!

[Donna takes a book in her hands, The Doctor takes it away from her immediately]
The Doctor: Spoilers!
Donna: What?
The Doctor: These books are from your future. If you read ahead, it will spoil all the surprises. Like peeping at the end.
Donna: Isn't travelling with you one big spoiler?
The Doctor: I try to keep you away from major plot developments.

Donna: This isn't my real body? .... But I've been dieting!

Donna: Thing is Doctor, no matter what's happening - and I'm sure it's bad, I get that - but Rose is coming back. Isn't that good?
The Doctor: [his foreboding frown breaks into a smile] Yeah.

[After having seen the Human Doctor 'regenerate' from his hand and the leftover regeneration energies]
Donna: I-it's you!
Human Doctor: Oh yes!
Donna: [looks down at him] And you're naked!
Human Doctor: Oh yes!

Human Doctor: ...I grew out of you. Still, could be worse.
Donna: Oi, watch it space man!
Human Doctor: Oi, watch it earth girl! (surprised) Ooh... I sound like you. I sound all... all, sort of, rough...
Donna: Oi!
Human Doctor: Oi!
Donna: Oi!
Human Doctor: Spanners! Shh! Must have picked up a bit of your voice, that's all. Is it? Did I? No! OHH! You are kidding me! No way! One heart... I've got one heart! This body... I've got only one heart!
Donna: You're human!
Human Doctor: Ohh, that's disgusting!
Donna: Oi!
Human Doctor: Oi!
Donna: Stop it!
Human Doctor: No, wait, I'm... part Time Lord, part human! (sarcastically) Well, isn't that wizard?!

She's so brilliant.

What's worse is that she would never be able to return. Never. With Martha perhaps, with Rose maybe but maybe not - she's got her own Doctor already, but with Donna it's impossible.

):

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 4:39 PM

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Dispensable.

SARAH, I DID NOT FORGET.

I never did.

Today felt a little too fatal for comfort. I suppose if I'd been able to Intepret Signs Well I'd known what was going on. But I can't. And I still don't. It's going all haywire and

things are getting to me.

But it's okay. You go on doing what you want and I'd do what I presumably want.

Shot through the heart, and you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I played my part and you played your game
You give love a bad name.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 6:21 PM

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Doesn't that sound familiar?

ADORABLE.

Today was really...amusing. With gingerbread men, toppling portable toilets, the start of CLE (after that it just became cringe-worthy), living history (I think only my group will get this joke) and bouncing balls with tennis rackets. And there are more, in between, to keep the laughter going, and then we had a free period, since Mr Ng saw the CLE curriculum in stall today and retreated behind a MC.

So I bounced along on non-science blocks, sleepiness, laughter and fake-real bread, feeling oddly like stepping on clouds for some periods of time before tripping and landing self-consciously onto ground. All the while aware of very real things. Sometimes, just sometimes I am able to dream, and that's..liberation.

Jazzu painted a very realistic image in my head during PE today, and....oh my. It is so, so crushable, so adorable and so...shuai. It stuck in my head the entire day, so when I actually saw the person, I could've screamed. ><>

Today the alarm that sounded like church bells sounded out, which was a mild reprieve from the headachey drilling (I just wish that they would come close enough for us to throw things at them, but they know better) but appreciated nonetheless. I can't wait till they are done and leave us alone in PEACE.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 6:22 PM