When the stars have all gone out, you'll still be burning so bright.

Monday, October 29, 2007

No crows today. The wind was whipping droplets of rain into my hair...I wished I had some kind of band to tie it up...

Escape me?
Never—
Beloved!
While I am I, and you are you,
So long as the world contains us both,
Me the loving and you the loth,
While the one eludes, must the other pursue.
My life is a fault at last, I fear:
It seems too much like a fate, indeed!
Though I do my best I shall scarce succeed.
But what if I fail of my purpose here?
It is but to keep the nerves at strain,
To dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall,
And baffled, get up to begin again,—
So the chase takes up one's life, that's all.
While, look but once from your farthest bound,
At me so deep in the dust and dark,
No sooner the old hope drops to ground
Than a new one, straight to the selfsame mark,
I shape me—
Ever
Removed!
--Robert Browning. (Married Elizabeth Barratt, another poet)

Rayne
Scotchtapedwords.

Where dreams were made; 4:35 PM

Sunday, October 28, 2007

The light is really bright, so piercing it fills my eyes and I am semi-blind. Such contrast to the dark silent world outside. Inside here my dad is talking really loudly, putting his phone on the loudspeaker, and the opposite line is yelling over his children's screams.....

Yes, what different worlds. Just seperated by a wall.

Dimly I register that the sea, at this point of time should be raging, hurling itself and shredding its body against the crudely formed rocks. If it was raining the sea would be even more in a temper than usual.

The sheer power. I wish I was there. To know that my inner turmoil was nothing compared to the wrath of Mother Nature, that chaos in this tiny room is so insignificant to what's happening Out There. I know this but never really truly understood it...for who could unless they've been through it? It seems like such a luxury to just sit down and type this, even though I know that I have so much things to do, MEMORISING and PACKING and whatnot. As though Time stops in here. I just wish to barge my way through this. Hopefully time will go by fast enough....

What happened to last year, I wonder. I was just so happy tikam-ing my way through it. Perhaps because it does not really register on my mind. How lackluster. The more you put yourself into it the more you can't get out. It's not something you can detach yourself from however much you want to. It's so much easier to give up but something is so unwilling.

Saturday. Sunday. I need Saturday back. To sleep and to relax even though I will have to rush through Sunday. One more week. One more day. That's all I need to get through and I will be free.

Relatively. Not.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 8:35 PM

Friday, October 26, 2007

"Bury that," she says, "in the deepest, most lifeless ocean that you can find."

And then,
"What are you doing! The key's in your hand. No wait don't open it, close it, no no no no no no no CLOSE IT NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. Resist! Resist! Willpower is the key. Figuratively. Use the key. I mean the metal one. Use the metal key to lock it! Lock it right now!"

A groan.
"Now look what you've done."

It used to be so much easier when you governed my feelings. But these feelings aren't mine, you understand.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 5:33 PM

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

We can complain about the food and the setting and the service, but we all know, deep down--
it's the company that matters. The company, the entertainment and the sound effects. Yeah. That can make up for almost anything.

I think it's really illogical. For once, I'm irrational again, but irrationally happy. I'm pratically drowning in heady joy, despite all the things that have been happening. It's the euphoria I'm drinking and getting drunk on. It's honestly weird. But I'm not complaining.

Si Rui is too analytical for her own good. She was asking how do you know you have a crush on someone? And what is a crush exactly? You can't ask such questions, you have to experience it for yourself! There's no point in explaining, even though I tried my best, you have to feel it, or the best or most explicit explanations would not register. It's only when you love someone that you understand what's love, after crying that you experienced what it means to be sad.

You know I'm not good at explanations. XD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JING XUAN AND GRACEY!!!!

Rayne

I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh you left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes it feels like I'm so lucky to have had a chance to love this much
God give me a moment's grace
As if I've never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way

Where dreams were made; 9:49 PM

Monday, October 22, 2007

I'll probably never hold a brush
that paints a masterpiece
Probably never find a pen
that writes a symphony
But if I will love then I will find
That I have touched another life
And that's something
Something worth leaving behind

I'll probably never dream a dream
and watch it turn to gold
I know I'll never lose my life
to save another soul
But, if I will love then I will find
That I have touched another life
And that's something
Something worth leaving behind

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 3:09 PM

Sunday, October 21, 2007

NOEL, EPITOME OF LAMENESS.

Rayne; Bunwigi! says:
anyway where was I.
`Shil` [c=14]always, all ways...[/c=16] says:
after H.
Rayne; Bunwigi! says:
.........
`Shil` [c=14]always, all ways...[/c=16] says:
who put it next to the O!
`Shil` [c=14]always, all ways...[/c=16] says:
D:
Rayne; Bunwigi! says:
NOT FUNNY!
Rayne; Bunwigi! says:
NOT FUNNY!
Rayne; Bunwigi! says:
WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME LAUGH!
`Shil` [c=14]always, all ways...[/c=16] says:
yea right i bet your rofling
`Shil` [c=14]always, all ways...[/c=16] says:
HA
Rayne; Bunwigi! says:
oh shut it!

Why is it still Sunday?! I want my Saturday back. D:

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 4:41 PM

Sho dedicated this two-liner tribute to me. XD It said:

BUNWIGI!

Thank you for being a cat =D

And thank YOU for being a mousey mouse. (:

To 211:

You know, at the beginning of the year, I wasn't quite sure how we'd work out. It seems like we were this bunch of assorted ingredients jumbled up together, giving off this weird, salty-sweet-bitter taste just like when you combine candy and veggie and meat. And even then we refused to mix. It doesn't seem like we would ever click.

But through the year we were 211. There was conflict and tension, but there was also laughter and high-ness and craziness. Some of my best memories are with you guys. Most of my laughter are with you, in that classroom where we got through sadness, parting, and anger together, and cracked our head over math sums and slept through months of boring lessons.

Maybe to you guys it's perhaps nothing. Maybe we were just another class, perhaps not as bonded, perhaps not as enthusiastic, but to me 211'07 belonged in a class of its own. We were unique, together with our tardiness, sleepiness and craziness. In the end it does not matter that we had our faults - which class, or which person doesn't? What matters is that we had stuck together throughout the entire year, laughed together and cried together. What matters is that we experienced the same things together and got through an entire year together.

I said that 211'07 can never be 112'06. I still hold to that. 211'07 and 112'06 belong in two seperate categories. Both gave me valuable, amazing memories which I hold dear to my heart. I would not have given both up for the world.

Trina: Lionling! It's been really fun with you and Teesh sitting behind me. You can be as crazy as the weather in October, quiet as our class in the morning, responsible as our class chair, or just roaringly funny. I'll miss you and your death glares. You cannot ever give up the fly-swatting sport okay! It's EXCLUSIVE.

Jia Yi: Dotty pai fly pie! Our favourite swatting fly ever. (: Girl, you need to stop taking up everything. Everybody needs to slack once in a while. And sometimes blocking out the world isn't a bad thing either. Just keep on doing what you know you need to do.

Shona: Mouse! Being with you is really fun. You are so cuddly! You must remember to enlarge your handwriting okay! XD Continue being Sho all the way, and don't let anything get you down. Teach me some Korean sometime other than BUNWIGI. <33!

Teesh: QUICHELET! You are always so outstanding, really. Thanks for teaching me how to snort coffee out of my nose not once but TWICE. (And btw it's not my fault, it's yours!) Remember all the funny things, like Botox, Singapore, Blackberry and Sandwich making! Ahahaha Hamlet, Ham, Buckingham. Laughter is always abundant when I'm with you.

Jessica: Hello Jess my kitty-puppy-chicky. Stay fair and cute and small and high! Sitting with you and Mish has been a very enlightening term. It has really opened my eyes to the amount of laughter that can be generated in an hour. Be ticklish always! An un-ticklish Jessica is not fun at all. And don't forget that Jess is Rayne's property. (:

Si Rui: Hahahahahhahaha! Wellow. You ought to sit with Mish for a term and just go randomly high. And eat more omelettes. And start dancing around the classroom. Best method for going high and crazy! Let yourself go and hop around. Or start to sing. Trust me, no one really cares.

Mish: Dolly! You stay high all the time okay? Don't emo so much. :D I'm gonna miss sitting next to you......even though I'm glad that I had Jess to shield me from your craziness and look how she ended up. Remind me to take a camcorder if I ever go out to eat with you! <33

Talia: Tally! Our beloved Toilet Seat and Class chair! Btw, whatever happened to your APT birthday present, hmm? Did you frame it up or something? Or are you using it? XD Thanks for being such a reliable class chair and friend this year. GET FACEBOOK. If you haven't.

Glory: Gloria! Chiong Sam! Anyway you are a really nice bus mate, and you're really nice to sleep on too. (Your shoulder's just the right height. XD) I won't want to see you being high, you're too sweet and quiet for that. (But then again, I though Jess won't get high too. o.O) Thanks for teaching me those nice Christian songs, and going home with me from MOELC. Let's go eat sushi sometime again. (:

Cheryl: Wellow Cheryl! I hope your spine's better. :O Take care of your 10 wives and 80 children. Don't let them fight. Don't let them get high. In fact, don't let them do anything at all. XD You'll manage them better this way.

JX you aren't here coz you belong in a seperate category. :D

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 10:24 AM

Saturday, October 20, 2007

And then, as always, I wonder,

Why.

And then, a more significant question,

What do you want me to do.

If this is love, I don't want it. You can have it. I'll give it all to you.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 9:04 AM

Friday, October 19, 2007

One unremarkable, conventional thread lost. That's all it takes to ruin the weaving. Ruin the tapestry. It could have been pretty, could have been a masterpiece, could have been the prized possession of some proud owner. But now it's ruined, ruined, ruined.

Which is such a pity. I mourn the loss of it. Mourned, even as I ripped it apart and let it sink to the depths of some anonymous sea, the wasted thread, the wasted time, the wasted dreams, the wasted love.

You still don't get it. After all that has happened, you still don't understand.

Slamthedoorshut,
Rayne

Where dreams were made; 3:57 PM

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The wind is shaking the windows and over my small room. The stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count; the stars reassure the tired me. They wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me....
Don't be hurt too much..they hug me tight and pamper me and comfort me, telling me to go to sleep.....
Though I'm exhausted to the point where I can't walk, though my tears blur my vision, I'll still smile in front of my love that I'm not able to get.

Since when...? Since when had I forgotten, since when had I lost sight of that target? Since when has my vision been obscured by so many petty, selfish little trivals? Because that's all they are. Details. Complications I fuss over.

I'm so glad to have you back. You have no idea how much.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 6:04 PM

RICHARDRICHARDMAYHEWDICK. Do you know, if that's the case, Sarah would be called SarahSarahSiawMingHuiSarah. And so on and on........

I think I'll write my thank-you posts soon. Just waiting for the time, like Sho who now FINALLY got started on her Snow Queen...at that time I laughed because it seems quite funny to wait for an auspicious date to watch a movie, just like booking a marriage...(seems my mind's quite fixated on marriages for the time being.) But now I nearly understand what she means. Sometimes it doesn't feel right, like you know you have to skip a friend's invitation because the time doesn't feel right, you don't exactly feel good, sometimes you don't have the feelings required to come up with a post to properly express your gratitude and love, sometimes, oh sometimes you just can't squeeze out ANYTHING.

Like now.

(Yeah this post is quite a forced one.)

I've got one phrase stuck in my head and it's refusing to shrivel up.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 7:43 AM

Monday, October 15, 2007

THINGS THAT RAYNE FOUND OUT TODAY:

1. Stacey has potential to be a dominatrix.
2. Nana has potential to be dead. Soon.
3. Nancy really suck at descriptions.
4. JX can look feminine with her hair tousled and loose, her eyes wide and surprised and her mouth slightly open.
5. Live audio commentary by Nana Stacey and Jaz is really -ahem- entertaining.
6. Nancy has really bad aim! (And a few other people.)
7. On the other hand, Muni is a pro at aiming. Even when balancing precariously on a chair.
8. If you want to throw something into the wastebasket, you just have to bounce that thing off Nancy.
9. Gracey's shoes squelch really loudly.
10. Bad movies have characters with really bad names.
11. Bad movies also have shrieking eels. And rats which are obviously not rats.
12. In bad movies, princes get to wear flouncy purple satin dresses which would've looked more appealing in the trash.
13. In bad movies, the opponents would sit down, tell their life stories, have the deepest admiration for each other before continuing with their fight.
14. In bad movies, you can throw your sword up in the air for more than 10 seconds before it conviniently dropping back into your hand while your opponent dances around you patiently waiting for you to reclaim your sword.
15. In bad movies, you can copy you opponent's moves.
16. In bad movies, all you need to do is to swish at your opponent's hair. He would be so befuddled that he would drop his sword.
17. In bad movies, the enemy would drop dead in the midst of a loud laugh.
18. In bad movies, the princesses push their kidnappers down the slope, gasps, "Oh no, what have I done?" and follows suit by rolling down the slope as well.
19. Thus knowing that her kidnapper is really her childhood friend.
20. Also, bad movies have princes that, when announcing his father's final words, would have a young kiddo's voiceover saying, "Wait just a moment, Grandpa."

IN CONCLUSION, DO NOT WATCH THE PRINCESS BRIDE.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 4:28 PM

Saturday, October 13, 2007

So many many things get lost in Translation. Not in my mind but in the physical world. Words hang in the air and there are some comments that we never forget. An emotion can be interpreted differently. Reasons change and in the end so do our person. It's hard to control it, not to mention manipulate it, but some people do master it and use it for their own purposes. And I fall for it every single time.

'cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

I wonder why I worry about some things sometimes. It's not in my power to change it. And I question why I fight it. Won't it be easier to just acknowledge and accept it instead? And wholeheartedly believe in this thing, this emotion, this feeling? But for some reason I always struggle against the currents, and more often than not I usually drown.

I need to change. Or at the very least buy a float.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 5:34 PM

Now that everything's over I have nothing to post. XD

I wonder when Sarah's coming back. Seems so weird not to talk to her on MSN. I forgot to ask her when she's coming back! I only asked what time she's leaving! How stupid iss that! I do that to my mom too when she goes overseas..........then she'll call me back and say, "Wait, don't you want to know what time I'm coming back too???" I keep forgetting. It's not the first time.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Dementism

This is really weird.

She took her time in getting to the front gate, gliding along the long corridors with small mincing steps, taking in the brilliant sunset streaked with orange, vibrant red and purple, all against a light pink sky. The scene could have easily been painted, a girl in a novice's robe with her golden hair braided, tendrils of hair coming loose and framing her face, halting to admire the sunset streaming in through the columns in the corridor. But then she moved, and the beauty of that moment was broken, a fragment lost in the ocean of Time. Besides, she still had a front gate to sweep.

THE WEDDING'S TOMORROW! COUSINS TOMORROW!! :D

I can hardly wait.

Rayne

Suddenly I remembered Cheryl Koh's comment on fireworks being air pollution. (haha!) It seemed so long ago, yet it wasn't. If you think about it, it's just 2 months ago. Some things I can remember and some things get lost in the translation of my thoughts to my memories, but they always find their way back somehow. As such the time line doesn't really matter. I still remember Sarah picking her way through the Secondary 1s while holding up that gigantic plague, and Muni chasing Nancy through toilets.

Doesn't really matter. The memories are more important.

Where dreams were made; 10:03 AM

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

If there aren't facets of humans, if we show only one side to everybody and anybody, without hiding that side of us that we only show to very special people, then there's no need for 3-dimensional things, would it? We could be reflected in squares and circles. And maybe triangles too. The earth would be flat, and people would jump off it. One day I'll invite you too. To see the edge of the world.

I think too much. I acknowledge that fact. I don't revel in it, but I don't think it's a bad thing either. I don't do that for anybody either. At least you got to matter to me for me to care about what you say right! It's......not that bad, but right now I think it is. Problem with Time is that it keeps going forward, when your heart protests. Water doesn't flow backwards but sometimes our feelings do.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 3:01 PM

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Rayne: NO!
POE: NO!
POT: NO!
Rayne, POE, POT: DON'T JUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rayne: AAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
POE: AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
POT: AAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rayne: HE JUMPED!
POE: DUOERGUN!
POT: DUOERGUN!
Da Yu'er: DUOERGUN!
Rayne:It's so tragic!
POT: It's so STUPID!
POE: WHAT A HORRIBLE STORYLINE!
Da Yu'er: DUOERGUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.
.
.

DUOERGUN: Da Yu'er, I'm back.
Rayne, POT, POE, Da Yu'er: ???????????
DUOERGUN: I glared the Lord of Hades in the eye and he ran away.
POE: WTH.
Rayne: Is he going to die or not?!
Mom: Go study!! He's not going to die till 9 o'clock!
Rayne: #@!% !!!!!!!!

The storyline so far.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 8:31 PM

Name 13 of your friends that you can think of right off the top of your head. Don't read the questions underneath until you wrote the names of all 13 people.This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first.No Cheating!!!

1. Sarah
2. Nancy
3. JX
4. Gracey
5. Muni
6. Swetha
7. Min Yee
8. Shona
9. Lion
10. Lu Chang
11. Cherry
12. Noel
13. Wei Jie

How did you meet 10? Last year, the first time I went back to PEPS. Haha he is so taaaaaall!

What would you do if you had never met 2? Unthinkable. I suppose I would've missed out on a lot of things and emotions and laughter.

What would you do if 6 and 10 dated? I will jump off the edge of the earth............. after wailing to Sarah that the world has gone nuts.

Have you ever seen 3 cry? Yeah.

Do you think 10 is cute? Um. This is a........very interesting question. Hmm.

How did you get to know 8? Same class this year, she is SO CUTE and so CUDDLY!!! Sho the mousey!

Would you ever go on a date with number 12? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA if he asks me to. I owe him a great favour. D:

What's 7's Favorite color? Hmmm I have no idea...but I think she'll look good in fluorescent pink.

What would you do if 6 confessed she/he loved you? Yay! I love you too!

Fact about 9: Lion. Also known as Lionling. Has sat behind me for two terms. Roars and flies. Co-fly swatter.

Who is 4 steading with? I don't know, but I know she likes somebody. (:

Who is number 5 to you? My very good and cuddly friend.

Would you ever live with 13? Hahahahahahah NO. It'll be chaos.

Is 1 single? You mean she isn't?!

Where does 7 live? On earth.

What do you think about 3? Tall dramatic crazy funny sensitive unique.

What's the best thing about number 8? She's cuddly. :D

What do you like about number 11? She provides me with all the gossip! Hahahahaha Cherry my buddy. <3

Favorite Memory with 13? Once we were at his house, and he mistakenly took this glass of red wine for sparkling juice. He downed the entire glass before realising that it was red wine. His whole face turned red and he went, "Ooorrrrrh!" It's priceless, I tell you.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 2:49 PM

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Why are some people so sweet, so thoughtful, so funny, so amazing I have no idea.

Have no words for it. Why are you so amazing? Why are you so friendly, so understanding, so nice towards me? Because honestly you don't have to go so far but you do..........and when I want to reciprocate you just say it's okay. But I really, honestly want to do something for you. It's an innate desire which you refuse to accept.

I love the night tonight. It's quiet and a little humid but that's okay. In this little room it is bright and comfortable and that's all that matters. I have all my notes spewed across the table but I have no idea how to tackle them. It feels like the night's all ahead of me but how time flies.......it's already almost 10:30 and I haven't even started. I have to start and soon. But somehow I just want to revel in this moment, that I have control of what I want and need to do at this moment, that I can and WILL accomplish it. (If I don't hurry soon I won't though.) And that I'm still in contact with the outside world via my trusty MSN, with the most amazing sweet song ever playing on my speakers. As I sit here typing this I have this overwhelming gratitude and love for some people who have contacted me today. They are really wonderful people, and oh so sweet.

Thank you Sarah Noel Nancy. Such sweet people deserve to have all the love in the world.

I have been wondering how it must've felt to give such love and receive it in its same magnitude, if not more. And then the loss, but I think to have felt such love is worth it. It beats living an entire life wondering what it feels like.........Beforehand you'll have that insecurity, just like Prince Regent wondering about his beloved Da Yu'er, but in the process you get reassured, worried, then reassured again until you receive the ultimate, solid proof that you do get that special person's love. And after that everything becomes wonderful, there would be problems and challenges but you'll be able to solve them as long as he/she's by your side. It's like your own fairytale. Only, Life doesn't work like that, but for a period of time you know that it's exactly like your happy ever after.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 10:14 PM

Where did it start?
Where does it end?
Ebbs and floods of the tides
Origin and Destiny
From nowhere to nowhere
Existing somewhere

...................................

I don't know what to make of it. I hope I will someday.

This little kitty woke up one day and suddenly longed to be a bird. She longed to feel the wind whipping against her face, stinging her eyes, to have a birds-eye view of the world and beyond, to lift her face to the sun and be kissed, be loved, be warmed by the brilliant sunlight........

POE: Are you sure you're not confusing this with something else?
Rayne: SHUSH SHUSH SHUSH. This is MY fairytale.

If only it wasn't so hot. If only you were here at this present, precise moment.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 12:33 PM

It's a little funny. Everything I think about it my heart whoops with elation, but it isn't really anything momentous, just another event, not the first time happening, but still it was nice.

I remembered this thing. I was studying for geog and was a little panicky because I couldn't remember all the points. Then we had oranges, and my dad's oranges were placed by his elbow so he didn't see them, and reached across to my plate for the oranges. I watched him take one slice then said, a little bemused, "Daddy, that's my orange."

At the VERY SAME TIME he took one bite of it and made this grimace -shuddering- why the heck am I eating this - EXTREMELY sour- expression, then he said, "Oh sorry" and made to replace the one he had eaten with another one.

And for some reason, I grabbed my plate of oranges, hugged it and screamed, "I DON'T WANT IT!!!" and started laughing in this hysterical way, with my dad looking at me with this really queer expression and orange juice dripping down his elbow and slowly collecting in a mini puddle on the table.

POE: Rayne's crazy.
Rayne: I could've told you that.

But poor dad, he's in bed now feeling weak and awful because he ate something bad. Yesterday he vomited a lot of things out including our dinner, which made me and my mom feel queasy. I hope he gets better soon. :(

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 9:19 AM

Thursday, October 04, 2007

It was just like a dream. I couldn't believe my eyes either.

POE: So Rayne's in love right?
POT: She is?
POE: She is. I can see it from her eyes. She's in love.
POT: Really.
POE: Yeah. She's staring at the back of her lover's head right now.
POT: How sweet. That little 5-year-old boy.
POE: How obnoxious. He just kicked his mother in her shins.
POT: ...
POE: In any case, that's not her lover.
POT: Really.
POE: Yeah. You could almost hear her heart thumping.
POT: ...I hear someone screaming. And the TV.
POE: .........................
POT: OH! That's the person! That's the person Rayne's in love with!
POE: YES!
POT: Rayne's got good taste.
POE: You think?
POT: Mmhmm.
POE: I agree. That person's really cute.
POT: I love the hair. So lustrous and black.
POE: I'm hungry.
POT: Well, there's hair.
POE: ????? Hare?
POT: Hair.
POE: Hare. As in, the hopping one.
POT: Oh. I meant the hairy one.
POE: .....Hares are hairy.
POT: So is hair.
POE: Back to the topic. Rayne's in love, right?
POT: She is?
Rayne: ....You guys do realise that I can hear you, right?

POE:....
POT:....
POE: Well, you see, that's the whole point.
Rayne: ............................ I understand PERFECTLY.

Yeah, I really do.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 5:50 PM

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

It's all so long ago, but.....

Such a surprise. That plain ugly green door was just like a portal. Outside the world was so still. No birds cheeping, no sounds of footsteps, no wind rustling the leaves of the trees. It was like I entered a completely different world, one that looks exactly the same as mine but is devoid of everybody except for me. So silent, so alone, so still.

In a way I reveled in it. The staircase echoed my footsteps as I ran down hurriedly. I could shout as loud as I wanted and no one would hear me, would stop me, would scold me. I can do anything I wanted in this world.

Like the world was painted in pastel colours, soft and nice and a little too subtle. Pretty but a little unsettling. I can find peace and danger in silence. Ominous and comfortable. It's beautiful but deception lurks in beauty too.

Then I opened that plain ugly green door again, and light, life and sound hit me in a second. It's all metallic and silver, but I don't exactly mind it. Shiny and hard and cold but that's okay with me. Compared to the warm outside it was a refreshing difference. At least behind that plain ugly green door there was still life.

Oh my....I was reading through the stack of old emails just before our PSLE and I started laughing and couldn't stop. I couldn't believe I was writing like this: Hellow how r u havn't seen u in such a looooooong time hahaz.....so hw r u now? It is great that u r being so cheerful...i don't hv that feeling nw though...*sighs*... MY GOODNESS. IT WAS TERRIBLE. And okay I do sms like that now but that's because my sms doesn't have enough space to type properly. That was a make-believe conversation. But yes, I did type like that last time.

And I had such limited vocabulary. o.O When I was typing that extract I had to refrain from typing "optimistic" in place of "being so cheerful" and "muster that feeling" instead of "hv that feeling"...It's not that my vocabulary is good now but at least it's a wider range now. AND I remembered getting seriously irked because Viv responded: "I was reading that passage and I was like huh? Since when did Rayne have such a good vocabulary?" and when I read the entire thing again I burst out laughing all over again. My goodness how much more melodramatic can you get?!

All the memories. I never realised how bad a child I was last time. I'm not kidding.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 8:57 PM

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

What if you spent your entire life never meeting the people who meant so much to you? You can search the world but you'll never find that one special person ever again, that person whom would love you and teach you so many things you'd never have dreamt of, that person whom would know you so well you don't even have to explain. Laughter, joy, love, friendship, all these things come easily but somehow every person is different, every friendship is never the same. That person whom would make you feel special, who would ingrain in you that you ARE special, worthy, larger than life. I may be only one person out of a million, insignificant and small. But that doesn't mean I'm not trying.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 5:13 PM

Monday, October 01, 2007

Just realised.

I need Sarah. She's always there to pick me up, and convince me that God loves me, and that I believe in Him. She makes me feel so much more than I really am.

So sweet. So loving. So lovable. So loved.

13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah:
Isn't it amazing that we knew each other since p4.
Rayne; Studying.:
yes.
Rayne; Studying.:
it's so amazing. I can't believe close bonds can last for so long.

13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah:
I know.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah:
Normally close bonds wear thin when people mature at different rates.
Rayne; Studying.:
yes.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah:
But this is just right.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah:
:)
Rayne; Studying.:
(:

And then:

13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah:
Your message failed to be delivered.
Rayne; Studying.:
?
Rayne; Studying.:
what message?
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah:
The NO-MONOSYLLABIC-filter chewed it up and spat it out.

IT WAS JUST A SMILEY. D:

Rayne

I'm hurt when you are. But God is always there for us.

Where dreams were made; 6:33 PM