When the stars have all gone out, you'll still be burning so bright.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Check THIS out. A cat with wings! Though I doubt it can fly.

Apparently the cat started growing wings after he got sexually harassed by female cats in heat. (Ooooh.) But scientists say it's a gene mutation. In any case, I'll love to have my cat grow wings. If I have a cat, for that matter. Can you imagine if a pig grows wings? XDDD Pigs can fly!

There are other weird facts happening around the world too, but I'll save that for another time.

Today after I finished my SPA, I just sat there swirling the chemical in the test tube and staring at it. It looked so pretty, a sky-blue, sandy sediment at the bottom and colourless liquid at the top. I tilted it and watched the sky-sand swirl and settle dreamily at the bottom. It reminded me of the ocean sand, so slippery beneath my feet as I dug into it to keep my balance. So beautiful, a work of Nature is. A world in a test tube. Two worlds in a test tube, for that matter, a transperant, pure world where light can shine through anything and everything, and a blue, semi-opaque world where everything flows smoothly and liquid-like, where everything is so dreamy. These two worlds never meet, they are as different as sky and earth, as fire and water, but together they just look so awesome. I got so caught up in the test tube I narrowly missed spilling it on my worksheet. :/

The little things that you can remember, that you want people to remember;

When they don't

It stings.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 5:19 PM

Friday, June 22, 2007

13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: That the one?
Rayne; Candor says: yes
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Tennessee Waltz Written by Redd Stewart composed by Pee Wee King
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Oh my goodness. Pee Wee King.
Rayne; Candor says: O.O
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: LOL.
Rayne; Candor says: XDDDd
Rayne; Candor says: LAWL!!!!
Rayne; Candor says: lolcool
Rayne; Candor says: oh my gosh
Rayne; Candor says: that's someone called PEE WEE KING?!
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: lol1
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Sad person.
Rayne; Candor says: yeah.
Rayne; Candor says: object of ridicule and stifled sniggers.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: EXACTLY. Like, he had to go to school and the teacher would go, "Pee Wee?" And he'd have to raise his hand.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Oh dear.
Rayne; Candor says: !!!!
Rayne; Candor says: XDDD
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Well! He did himself proud, at least, composing the official song of the state of Tennessee.
Rayne; Candor says: Can Pee Wee go Pee?
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: HAHA THAT'S MEAN!
Rayne; Candor says: XDDDD
Rayne; Candor says: I don't think it's his real name though....
Rayne; Candor says: I can't imagine any mother naming her kid PEE WEE.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Oh my goodness. I just visualised a man shaking another man's hand and going "The name's Wee. Pee Wee."
Rayne; Candor says: !!!!!!!
Rayne; Candor says: 0.0
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Ahh. She probably thought it sounded cute.
Rayne; Candor says: ..cute's not the word.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: xd1
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Aha! Wikipedia claims that he was born "Julius Frank Anthony Kuczynski". Oh boy. Why would anyone exchange THAT brilliant name for "Pee Wee"?!
Rayne; Candor says: ..because they think it's cute?
Rayne; Candor says: XDDD
Rayne; Candor says: see he couldn't possibly be named PEE WEE.
Rayne; Candor says: XDD
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Starting in 1933, his band played regularly on the Milwaukee radio show The Badger State Barn Dance, where they were discovered by an up-and-coming Gene Autry. Autry hired them as his backup band, and nicknamed King "Pee Wee" for his five-foot six-inch height.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: LOL. THAT'S SO MEAN.
Rayne; Candor says: that's mean!

.....

13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: All right, the song's sent.
Rayne; Candor says: yup, recieved.
Rayne; Candor says: received.
Rayne; Candor says: bleah
Rayne; Candor says: o.o
Rayne; Candor says: it's a weird song!!
Rayne; Candor says: it makes me want to laugh.
Rayne; Candor says: you're the swimming pool?!
Rayne; Candor says: XDDD
Rayne; Candor says: this song is very very funny.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: XD
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: LOL.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: YOU'RE A SWIMMING POOL IN THE AUGUST SUN.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Or something like that.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: It's a sweet song!
Rayne; Candor says: You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
Rayne; Candor says: it's FUNNY.
Rayne; Candor says: Can you imagine, if you're a carousel...
Rayne; Candor says: XDDDDD
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: HAHA! You're one silly girl.
Rayne; Candor says: YOU LIGHT ME UP WHEN YOU RING MY BELL.
Rayne; Candor says: oooohhh
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Literal and literary.
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: I know! That part sounds obscene, DOESN'T IT!
Rayne; Candor says: XDDDDDD
Rayne; Candor says: good you know what I'm getting at
Rayne; Candor says: it's funnnyyyy
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: And the kissing part. o.o But I like the "you're every song" bit!
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Ho ho. Know what you were getting at? The "oooohhh" kind of gave you away.
Rayne; Candor says: XDD
Rayne; Candor says: And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man, And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Rayne; Candor says: this part is silly
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: XD
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Maybe he ran out of words to rhyme with "man".
Rayne; Candor says: XDDDDD
Rayne; Candor says: ban
Rayne; Candor says: tan
Rayne; Candor says: And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: And I get to kiss you baby just because I'm tan?
Rayne; Candor says: And I know you look great with that fabulous tan
Rayne; Candor says: hhaa
Rayne; Candor says: XDD
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: HOW COOL IS THAT! WE TYPED CONSECUTIVE LINES AT THE SAME TIME!
Rayne; Candor says: XDDDDD
Rayne; Candor says: telepathic
Rayne; Candor says: haha
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Hahaha!
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: Do you know what I like about the word candor?
Rayne; Candor says: what?
Rayne; Candor says: And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man, And I love your everything including the garbage can
Rayne; Candor says: XDDD
Rayne; Candor says: watcha like about candor?
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: XD
13slc; [I♥SLCOT][CONCEPT]IAN Sarah says: The front part of it's like candle.
Rayne; Candor says: o.o

Where dreams were made; 8:20 PM

Thursday, June 21, 2007

"Thank you, Brainiac,"

says Rayne

"I now know how to make fried eggs without a stove and a frying pan."

------you do not want to read this.---------

Rayne's present state comes only in a blue moon and only happens when she:

has no emails in her inbox
sees grey lizards crawling into her CPU (they are funny)
does not get spam from her cousin
is doing __________.

Other side effects include hallucinating jellyfish plopping down out of the sky, seeing the world in a rosy pink colour with jazz music for accompaniment and staring avidly at the air con.

Oh, and of course, the prospect of ****** in approximately three days.

Not that Rayne is complaining.

Where dreams were made; 6:33 PM

Have you ever felt injustice? True injustice, where almost everybody turns their back on you even though you know it's not your fault but cannot say it? It's not just when someone wrongs you. It's when almost everyone you know wrongs you, and you know it but you can't change it.

Helplessness, again. As stated in the last post, as stated in this.

Here's how injustice feels like -

It feels like you're being caught in a straitjacket shackled with chains so interwoven you cannot see how to get out of the mess but sit docilely and wait for the scalding wrath to come pouring down onto you. It feels like when you walk in a neverending corridor with censorious glares coming at you from every direction and the people whom you know would trust you wholly are far far away, encased in a glass bubble. It feels like you're the backstabber but you know you aren't but you can't say it because you're not allowed to so you can't even correct the misunderstandings.

It's when people get a bad impression of you before they even met you, and all because of a false crime you did not commit with your consent. And your mouth has to be taped shut because you know you're not supposed to say anything-

-I reiterate: you're not supposed to say anything. Can you imagine, you're not even allowed to redress your grievances because you're not allowed to say the truth-

And it's when you have this well of frustration building inside of you and you can't tell anyone about it, you have to keep on smiling and putting on this false front of self-confidence and the people whom you do tell, the people who do support you with all their hearts cannot do anything to help at all but be there for you to let it out and cry.

This post here is not about me.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 10:50 AM

Monday, June 18, 2007

I am really really really missing AQMFS. Shiing has to take full responsibility since she introduced it to me.

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

I haven't listened to this song in a long long time. ^^

I'm not sure if I can give my friends true moral support. Sometimes I want to give them advice or comfort them, but I don't know how. It's quite upsetting, really, to see your friend being so sad and not being able to do anything to help them. I used to think I could help, could give advice, but in the end I realised that I really don't know anything at all.

:/

Helplessness is truly not a good feeling. Wanting to help someone you love with your hands shackled behind your back is something I feel but am helpless to change. Unless I get more experience? Haha. You guys would have to wait for a loooooong time then.

Rayne

I think I'm becoming a huge fan of Ming Dao. ^^

Where dreams were made; 10:57 AM

Friday, June 15, 2007

Some may sail to the ends of the world
But no matter how mighty their journey
Every stranger they meet
Will tomorrow be a brother
Every life's another drop in the ocean.

Thank you, Sarah and Nancy.

These few days I've been so giddy with relief/excitement/panic/happiness that I hadn't bothered to post. It's not that I have been busy, just that somehow the holidays made me much clumsier and more prone to drop things than usual. Haha.

Tuesday's reunion was nice. Thank you Cherry Sandra Gerou Rubin for bringing the stuff, Wen Jing Png Hang Aniah Anisha etc. for coming and making it fun. (: I really had a great time building weird shapes of sand (they were meant to be sandcastles) playing ball and badminton with you guys.

It's funny how the simplest things cause the biggest impact. The oddest words made me tear up suddenly remembering them. But they came from a loved one, so I suppose they carry a sort of meaning for me.

When we love someone, wanting to protect them, are we trying to protect our dreams, too? I read this from The Balcony which Couldn't be Seen, and from then on I've been wondering ever since. Whatsoever that makes us significant can't be too far away from the heart.

I tell you, affection for AQMFS is too hard to bear. Especially if the whole series has been taken off the net, and you haven't watched the ending. :/

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 9:39 AM

Monday, June 04, 2007

I see a tree wither in golden sunlight;
And a flower bloom in ominous shadow.

I see a path where no man had ever tread;
A path filled with footprints - big and small.

I see a girl, rich, yet she weeps blood;
And another, poor, yet she weeps stars.

I see the sun shine in the middle of the night;
And the moon shatter and rain down as silver.

I see a knot of dreams impossible to untangle;
Yet with a single touch of adversity, they soar.

I see an ocean full of men's tortured tears;
They evaporate, and fall as blessed rain.

I see deadly, poisonous thorns, ready to take blood;
Yet with every drop that falls, courage grows.

But you see, those are just words. Words that are so superficial, simplistic words that barely make a ripple on the river's surface, barely make a scratch on a polished, hard, jaded top. It can never cause an impact until you want it to. Are willing for it to touch you, to speak from soul to soul. Heart to heart. Isn't there such things as sympathy, empathy, telepathy? All you need to do is to listen. To shatter that polished, cynical wall that you've put up, that I've put up, once, perhaps even now, and let your soul in.

Words. 2D words. Not even something you can experience. Yet, they are there. Speaking to you, not literally, but figuratively. Yes, a language that you may understand. But that's all. Just - words. No emotions. Flatly, bluntly, telling you what you want to hear. What you see. We trust our eyes, don't we? But is that all we trust? Is there something more, a sixth sense, of some sort? Or is that all in our minds, some kind of hallucination?

I've been sensing weird things lately. They scare me, and I have no idea if they are just another fragment of my over-worked imagination.

They seem so real. But then, our fears always do.

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 12:08 PM

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Perfection is not human.

Human - what is human? To be human is to err. To make mistakes- whether minor or major. Because to be human is to be flawed.

But humans seek perfection. To be the perfect friend, the perfect lover, the utmost perfect being. To do things to the perfect degree. That's why there are perfectionists, aren't there? Every line must be straight, neat, with no pencil marks whatsoever. No creases in their clothes, not a hair out of place. Who doesn't want to be perfect? Who doesn't want to be the best?

But that's on the surface. Perhaps, perhaps if we took enough time to do so, we could be perfect. What about the inner being? Are we that capable of getting our emotions in control? To file every thought away carefully, systematically, into a mental file that would process it. To identify every feeling and discard the irrational ones. Feelings are irrational. You can feel jealousy because someone is talking to the person you love, yet later you may laugh it off as absurd. You can feel happy just because the world is beautiful today, because you saw a rainbow across the sky, because someone gave you a comment that they thought was casual but you thought was a reason enough to feel happy. Or you may cry because you've just watched a drama. But a drama is just another act, another performance, another imagined family having tragedies. To be human is to be like that. To be human is to be able to feel.

We can't achieve perfection. It simply isn't in us. Yet we have a craving to be that. Is it for acceptance, for recognition of being the best, or some other reason? Why do we, why do I want to be perfect? Why are we aiming for something unattainable?

Someone once told me, Aim for the top. 'Cause if you shoot, and you miss it, your shot won't be too far. But aim at the bottom, and that's just the end of it. Of the game, competition, whatsoever you are aiming for. Is it just that? That if we can't be perfect, at least we'd be somewhere close? At least, we won't have mood swings, would be neat, almost flawless, every decision carefully weighed? Every single risk calculated?

Life is unpredictable. In a way, life is just that, as well. Flawed in a sense. Few things on this earth are flawless. Perfect in every single way. And even in the areas we excel, there is room for improvement.

Perhaps, perhaps we are not striving for perfection. Perhaps we are just striving for the best that we can be. Not perfect, as we would lose our humanity, but close enough.

Perhaps that's what it means in human terms to be perfect. Perfection that can be obtained by human standards. Or are those standards just limitations set by ourselves? Another flaw. Just another human action.

Human - what does it really mean to be human?

Rayne

Where dreams were made; 4:42 PM